


Curious

by bakatenshi



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Bottom!Haru, Bottom!Rin, Fluff, Frottage, Haru comforts Rin even if it is inwardly torturing him, Haru is gay, M/M, More Bottom!Rin, Rating will go up, Rin is a tacky drunk, Rin is not an asshole, Romance, Sweaty Rin, Things will change, everyone else is straight, haru pov, or at least Rin thinks he is for now, platonic hugs that may not actually be so platonic in undertone, very affectionate Rin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-03-18 11:20:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 33,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3567746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakatenshi/pseuds/bakatenshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything about how he felt towards Rin was wrong, filthy and he was the only one of his friends who had ever lusted after another guy, as far as he knew. It was wrong. Hardly anyone accepted such things so easily. So Haru kept his desires to himself. But when Rin comes back and is clingier than ever, Haru has a much harder time with his feelings. </p><p>Especially when one night Rin says he is curious.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Old friends

**Author's Note:**

> [harubly](http://harubly.tumblr.com)
> 
> Please give me feedback. I need feedback. Constructive criticism. Please leave comments. Please leave kudos. Please tell me if you want more or ideas or opinions. Please.

"The last slice of pizza is mine! I call dibs on it!" Nagisa whined as he grabbed the final slice in some sort of victory and Haru couldn't help the small smile that came across his face. How long had it been since everyone had been together like this? It felt like forever but at the same time, it felt as if not a day had passed. 

And yet everyone was so 'grown up', well maybe not Nagisa...

Gazing across the table at the sound of an all too familiar laugh, Haru locked eyes with Rin and nodded his head as he took a sip of his beer. It had been a long time since he'd seen those crimson eyes, far too long compared to everyone else. It was hard to stay in touch with Rin living so far away. Well it was hard to travel that far anyway, it wasn't cheap and so they had lost touch over the years. But somehow it still felt like the friendship was right where they had left it, especially when Haru saw that look in Rin's eyes just like old times and that grin he wore. Same ole Rin Matsuoka, through and through.

"I say we go to Karaoke after this! The night is young guys and it has been too long since we were all together!" It was Nagisa again of course, the loudest member of the old swim club. It was just the original boys gathered; Nagisa, Makoto, Haru and Rin. The old elementary days gang. "Too bad Rei-chan couldn't make it." Nagisa sounded like he was pouting as he spoke but he had always been really close to the young scientist. 

"How is he?" Makoto asked which caused Nagisa to light up as if he had not just been sulking into his chair. 

"Busy, trying to find a cure for something or other with the grant money..." Rei had lost his mother to some form of cancer and became obsessed with finding a cure for it or something. It seemed to consume him which explained why he was not at the gathering. "I'll tell him you guys said hi when I see him next." 

Some of them had stayed in touch it seems. Haruka hadn't lost touch with everyone but he also didn't spend that much time with Makoto either. Not quite as close as when they were young but the friendship was still strong. 

"I'll second the Karaoke, I just have to see if Haru can hold a tune!" Rin challenged across the table and Haru sat up so fast he felt like a teenager all over again.

"I'll show you." Haru snapped softly back as he playfully glared at the redhead. Yup, same ole Rin.

"So Rin, how is your girlfriend? Last time I saw your profile online it said taken. You guys getting serious or what?" Makoto was just causally asking and probably trying to lighten the challenge between the two. Typical of him. 

Rin looked up, frowning as he took a long swig of his beer. "We broke up." His voice carried a tone that probably intended to drop the subject altogether but some people are clueless.

"What happened Rin-chan? You looked happy in all the pictures with her!" Nagisa proclaimed, sounding a little confused. Rin scoffed at that and downed the rest of his drink while not bothering to answer any more questions. 

"How about you?" Haru asked Makoto as a way to get the subject off of Rin because he looked so uncomfortable. He already knew Makoto was doing well but the others didn't. Somehow the gesture didn't go unnoticed by Rin and he nodded across the table before ordering another beer for himself. 

"Doing good. We're expecting another kid mid July." Makoto had been happily married for a few years now and it suited him being a dad, swim coach to young people at the old swim club and settled down with a girl he'd met in college. He led a rather simple life from what Haru had witnessed of it. 

Haru just hoped no one bothered him on the subject, he didn't like going there. 

-

The karaoke room was dark, large enough for the four of them and Nagisa was the first to choose a song and he belted it out in such a way you might think he was drunk if you were not used to his ways. Haru chuckled softly as he watched him closely and sighed because of how much he missed this. Friends. Life had turned into nine to five far too easily and the days when he could swim and hang with friends seemed so far away now. 

Rin had ordered more alcohol, Haru was a little concerned and started wondering if something was up. Mostly because Rin said right next to him and he was doing the things he used to do in high school. He was being clingy by throwing an arm around Haru. "We should do a duet, Haru. Us single guys gotta stick together. Not like all these married people." He sounded a little bitter as he said this and Haru realized the break up with Rin's girlfriend must have been bad or something. 

It was true that all the others were taken, all married though Makoto was the only one who had a kid and one on the way. Haru himself had been single, no interest in women but he didn't advertise that fact, he simply lived as if he were asexual and most of his friends had assumed this was his way. However, it wasn't necessarily true....

Just Rin touching his shoulder had a small heat from the contact, this was Haru's secret weakness. Attraction to his friend, it was wrong but it was hard to control. He had never acted on it or planned to either. So he was basically suffering a little anytime Rin touched him. 

"Maybe you should head home soon Rin, you seem drunk." Haru protested because he didn't really feel like singing karaoke and he was much more content to just watch others. It was more loud and he tended to be quiet plus he wasn't fond of singing in front of others even if he had been complimented on his voice time and again when it had happened. 

"Haruuuuuuuuu. Haru. I miss you! I'm going home with you tonight! But it is too early to call it a night." Rin looked down at his wrist where he wore a watch to check the time, but he was soon frowning at it for some reason. "She got this for me...." His voice had went from chipper drunk to sadness so fast. Haru felt bad about trying to rush the night to an end all of the sudden. 

"Fine. One song." He didn't protest Rin coming over even if it would be a pain. Taking care of him when he was drunk always had been but it was years ago the last time Haru had to do such a thing. Rin was back for good at least so there was plenty of time to catch up. Haru saw no hurry because of this but Rin seemed to feel different. 

Rin was soon leaning over, laying on Haru. Nuzzling against him. He was even more clingy when he got drunk. Haru stood to grab the song list as an excuse for room to breath. "What song do you want to do Rin?" Haru asked, acting normal when in reality he felt his heart racing from the small amount of contact. It felt worse than the old days, it might be because Haru is older now and more aware of his sexuality. Back then, there were so many distractions and he could always swim off his lust. It was wrong to lust after another male after all, Haru had heard it time and again from his mother and others in society. Japan was not well accepting of such things. 

So Haru couldn't help the guilt. 

"I wanna sing 'I Hate Everything About You' because that bitch broke my heart, Haru! She cheated on me! Haru! Haru! It was with one of my teammates. I came home and she was riding him in our bed! Our bed! I bought that fucking bed. She can have the damn thing!" Rin spat bitterly, Haru had never seen him so bitter except maybe when he had first come back in high school. 

Haru put in the song request, it was Makoto's turn to sing and he chose some sappy song that probably reminded him of his wife. Rin was watching him, frowning. He leaned into Haru and whispered in his ear, still slurring as he spoke. "I really hate songs like this. It just reminds me of how she ripped my heart out and walked all over it. Haru....." Rin was whining and Haru just pat him on the back because he had no clue what to say and had no clue what that must feel like.

The rest of karaoke didn't last much longer, Rin was so bitter that it was depressing the hell out of Haru. He just really wanted Rin happy but he knew he could never be the one to bring him that kind of happiness. Rin deserved the kind of romance he went on about back in high school. It was sad to see him so bitter on the subject of love and hating on things he used to love. He had always sung the sappiest of songs back in high school. Haru sighed as he got ready to leave, putting his jacket on and trying to get Rin to do the same. "Come on. Let's go now Rin."

When they finally left, everyone had to go the same direction, they walked together in an odd silence. It was brought on by Rin's bitter mood because it had rubbed off on everyone or maybe they all just felt sorry for the redhead. Haru wasn't sure but he didn't care for the awkwardness of it all. He was lagging behind Makoto and Nagisa with Rin at his side. 

Suddenly Rin pulled him into an alley, Haru was confused because of how close Rin was and the fact that he covered Haru's mouth with his hand for a moment as he slurred. "Let's ditch them. Come on! Single guys gotta stick together Haru. I need you right now, Haru." Rin whined and Haru sighed because Rin now had his hands up on the wall on either side of him. It was messing with his head having Rin lean in so close and he'd whispered in his ear. The hot breath tickled against his skin and felt a little pleasant making Haru sigh longingly. Rin was too drunk to notice though and he didn't move for a few minutes.

Minutes that seemed to last far too long. Haru could feel his own heart in his throat and he failed to find words to protest this but Rin really should keep his distance. Haru swallowed as he stared at Rin's lips for a moment and wondered what it might feel like. He sort of zoned out for a minute. 

Rin didn't notice as he stayed close, but was soon peaking out of the alley to see if the coast was clear. "I think we lost them!" He proclaimed, it was as if he had never been bitter with the chipperness in his voice. "I can't be around them much right now. Not till I get over what she did to me....." And here he was with a slight bitterness again.

Haru was confused at how Rin could change his demeanor like it was an on off switch from a light. He needed to cheer the fuck up and Haru wished for a way to do just that. But he just didn't know how for now.


	2. Consoling Rin

Walking back to his house with a bitter Rin was a little annoying but at the same time, Haru wanted to be a shoulder for the adorable idiot to lean on. From what Haru had heard so far about the girl, she had burned Rin bad. He kept ranting about it perhaps because all Haru did was silently listen and nod his head.

But what else could he do? He had no clue what to say to make Rin feel any better and so the whole walk went on like this. 

At one point, Rin had stopped to take a leak, Haru didn't look nor have any desire to. He may be attracted to Rin but he had his manners and he just plan did not want to see that. But Rin, he had even bitched then. 

"Do you know why she said she did it Haru? I was her first. She was my first. It was supposed to be special." Rin was whining, probably because of the alcohol. "He convinced her by telling her that Japanese men have small cocks Haru!" Rin then proceeded to turn towards Haru and say something that really irritated him. "Does it really look that small?" 

He honestly sounded like he doubted his manhood so Haru looked, and sighed. "Rin, it looks normal." 

Rin finally put it up, thank god, and was soon walking alongside Haru again. He grew quiet finally as Haru's house came into view, the same one he had lived in his whole twenty four years. Haru wasn't really affected too much by the display Rin had just put on because he had already seen him naked back in high school. He knew what he looked like and so this really didn't change things or make him feel awkward. 

Rin had always been awkward when he was drunk and upset at the same time. 

And he continued to be awkward, he shed his clothes the minute he walked in the door. Claiming he was 'too hot' from the alcohol he had drank. Haru sighed, would his antics never end? At least he had left his boxers on. Haru put his own pajamas on while Rin was brushing his teeth and soon they were resting on the couch watching television. 

"Haru, you know of all my friends. I think I missed you the most." Rin sounded sentimental which was in character with his sappy side. The romantic in him was still there but it had been trampled on. Haru hoped he would get over it and fall in love again with someone who was worthy of him. He desired Rin but he knew it was wrong, so he hoped for the next best thing, Rin's happiness.

Rin was making himself at home, just like he always had when he came over even back in high school. He was sprawled across Haru's couch with his head in Haru's lap. Old habits die hard it seems, he was still so affectionate and clingy. Haru didn't mind, it was fine because it was not sexual, it was a form of platonic affection basically.

Rin was paying attention to the television when Haru started playing with his hair, his soft red locks. He sighed to himself, telling himself it was to comfort Rin but in a way he was consoling himself too. Rin seemed contented by the gesture, "Haru, that feels nice..." Rin was closing his eyes and no longer watching the television, he seemed to relax like putty because of Haru's tenderness. "You always knew how to calm the raging storm inside me whenever it awakens...."

Haru smiled softly, Rin wasn't ranting and looked happy for the moment. He looked at peace. "Haru, I hope you don't mind if I lean on you. I know I have to get over it but it, it isn't an easy thing to do. I mean I thought, I thought she loved me and I thought I was going to marry her and maybe have kids. But I was wrong. So very wrong." Haru could see hints of tears at the corner of Rin's eyes like he was trying to hold back. When he was younger, Rin would've just cried but he seemed to be trying his best not to. 

"You can cry Rin, it is just us. Just you and me." As soon as he spoke, Haru felt arms around his waist and Rin sunk his face against Haru's middle and softly sobbed with no speaking. Haru simply continued to play with Rin's hair, trying his best to sooth the pain in the only way he knew how. A silent support. He could feel his shirt growing damp from where Rin's let it all out. A good cry was just what Rin needed it seemed. 

"Thank you Haru." Rin sighed softly as he sat up and wiped the tears from his face. "How do you seem to know just what I needed?" Rin questioned but did not seem to really want an answer as he stretched and yawned. "I say we go to bed. I am beat and it was a long night. Sorry for being so bitter and bitching so much. But thank you for listening and thank you for being here for me. Haru...."

All Haru could do was smile, he wondered what kind of woman could do this to Rin Matsuoka. He didn't know her so he really had no right to judge and there were two sides to every story but Rin was so down about it. She, it seems, had meant a lot to him and now he was so lonely. 

Haru had already gathered Rin's clothes and washed them since the idiot thought it was okay to string them all over the living room. Rin was usually a neat freak, but being drunk or being upset must've changed that factor. For now. Haru made him drink a glass of water before bed so he wouldn't have too bad of a hangover if one at all. He made a pallet for Rin, he always had slept on one in his bedroom floor, expect when they were much younger. 

Climbing into bed after turning the light out, Haru laid there staring at the ceiling unable to sleep. He sighed because he could still recall how soft Rin's hair had felt in his fingers. He really needed to get a hold on this attraction, he thought it had died but simply seeing Rin again had confirmed that he was only fooling himself by thinking that. It was such a deep seeded secret that he had never even told Makoto. However, at times he wanted to tell someone. Just to get it out there, out in the open. He knew he could trust his old friend with anything. He wouldn't judge. He had never judged any of Haru's quirky ways. His odd obsession with water or the way he ate mostly the same foods. 

Rin was tossing and turning, he seemed restless too. "Haru, Haru I am used to sleeping next to someone...." Rin sighed and Haru sighed too because he didn't need Rin that close and he hoped he was not about to say what he kind of knew he was about to say. "Do you mind if I do? Just for tonight?"

"Sure, if it will help you sleep Rin....." Why did he give in so easily? He felt like an idiot but if it would comfort Rin, perhaps he could deal with it a little. 

Rin climbed in after ushering Haru to scoot over, Haru was between Rin and the wall. Rin curled up close and rested his arm around Haru's waist. "I can't sleep without cuddling right now...." He insisted softly and Haru just complied without any complaints but inwardly, he was already regretting it. He didn't want to know how this felt. 

He didn't need more things to long for but never really have.

Somehow, Haru managed to fall asleep even if it took a while because he had to wait for his heart to stop racing because Rin was so close and at one point was even pressed right into him. He was clingy even in his sleep. It had felt warm and a bit too nice. It was unfair but Rin didn't have a clue what he was really doing to Haru. He was messing with his head just from something so innocent. It was just platonic cuddling for Rin but for Haru, it felt like a tease of what things could be like if they really were a couple. It made his heart long for it even if his brain knew better. His heart was a foolish one and would not listen to the rational arguments from his head.

The next morning, Haru woke first and he was still in Rin's arms until Rin finally rolled onto his back and let out a very loud snore for a moment before it grew silent again. Haru had to climb over him, he stopped when he was hovering over Rin. Stopped because he was looking down at an angel. How could he look so good? Why did his lips always look so kissable when he was far too close?

Haru was staring without even realizing what he was really doing, he felt safe in the fact that Rin was sleeping. He reached out and moved a lone strand of hair out of Rin's face because it seemed to be tickling his nose. Even his stupid nose was perfect and Haru was soon tracing the lines of Rin's face. 

His adorable face which looked so beautiful, he had always been pretty for a boy. Far too pretty. Was that why Haru longed for him? Was that why he was so attracted to him? Because he was a pretty boy? But if that was the case, wouldn't he feel something for Rin's sister? But it was not so simple, she was not Rin. 

Rin was still sleeping even after Haru had been lingering over him for what felt like far too long. Haru leaned down and barely brushed his lips against Rin's. They felt soft, so he pressed a little more firmly and his heart jumped and he soon realized what he was doing and rose from the bed so fast his head was spinning. 

He moved down the stairs to the kitchen and rested against the refrigerator door. Why had he done that? Had Rin woke up? Would he know? Please, please don't let him know or say a damn thing......

But would he really be so lucky? Because not too long after he started cooking he heard Rin behind him. "Good morning Haru...." Rin sounded normal and sleepy. "I haven't slept that well in a long time. Thank you for putting up with me again. Haru." Rin came up behind Haru, standing far too close and looking at the food he was cooking. "No mackerel? Do you have a fever?" And yes he went there and felt Haru's head but he was just being playful. Haru relaxed because Rin didn't seem to know what he had done. 

It caused Haru to fill with guilt. He had to have a talk with someone and he had to find a good way to get over this. How long had he felt this way? Twelve years? He had liked Rin even back when they first met. Back then even, Rin had made his heart race and made his head spin and made him feel things he simply didn't know how to deal with or want to deal with.

He was older now. He should know better now. 

"Haru! Let's go for a run along the shore after we eat!" Well at least Rin didn't seem bitter this morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please continue leaving me feedback. Tell me what you think and what you would like to see happen! You can find me on tumblr [here](http://harubly.tumblr.com/).


	3. Platonic Affections?

Chugging a bottle of water, Haru could see Rin's adam's apple bobbing at his throat and he had worn Haru's clothes to run. They fit him a little too snugly and left little to the imagination of just how tone his body is. It was still just as perfect as it had been back in high school. 

Haru swallowed, he knew better than to linger on Rin's physique but he was just so damn attractive. "You still go to the gym a lot, Rin?" As Haru spoke, Rin's eyes gleamed a bit as he looked over and he smiled that charming grin making him seem to light up. How is anyone allowed to be this cute?

"Yeah, why you want pointers? We could hit the gym together sometime." 

Even if being around Rin could be hard, it was still so nice. "I'd like that." Haru could not help a faint smile that covered his face and Rin was soon smiling right back at him. He could feel his heart grow warm from simply seeing such an innocent contentedness on Rin's face. "By the way, how long are you staying? "

"Well, I know I didn't bring much with me since we came straight from karaoke last night. I want to at least stay till tomorrow night. Do you have work Monday? I need to start job hunting at some point but for now, for now Haru can I just lean on you a little longer? I think it is helping me to forget about her."

"Shouldn't you at least drop in to let your mom know you're okay and get a change of clothes?" Haru tilted his head curiously. It was odd but somehow just hearing Rin speak, he could swear his voice was laced in vulnerability. "I mean she is probably worried about you. I don't mind you staying at all, it is nice to catch up and I did miss you when you were gone. But Rin, don't leave your family worrying about you?"

Maybe his voice gave away how he was worried about Rin or maybe Rin just needed more consoling because he pulled Haru into a tight hug and rested his head on Haru's shoulder. "You do care, don't you Haru?" Rin's voice cracked a little and he smelled salty because of his sweat from the run. Haru could feel his heart pick up as he slowly raised his arms enclosing Rin in them and holding on a little too tight. And wishing he could stop time because this, this was far too nice. 

"Of course, Rin." Haru sighed softly as he leaned into Rin's body a little and for a moment forgot that this was supposed to be wrong. All the things Rin made him feel. But this, it was just a hug right? Hugs are okay and Rin seems to need the affection and Haru was realizing maybe he needed it too. 

Once Rin pulled away, he looked at Haru for a moment and his eyes were watery but not quite crying, perhaps just on the verge of almost doing so. "Haru, let's go out tonight and just have fun. Just us single guys." A small, sad smile was on his face but his eyes were soon lighting up a little as he shifted his mood to a happier place. "We've never done that together. You stay home too much Haru. Let's go out."

While the idea sounded like a pain, Haru couldn't resist how the idea was seeming to cheer Rin up. A happier Rin would be worth a little annoyance and it wasn't really an inconvenience and Haru had always been good about being there for all his friends. "Fine, Rin." The question at hand was, what did Rin have in mind for a night out?

  


The afternoon was quiet because Rin did go home to get some clothes and drop in on his mom. He was staying there till he got his own place and a job. He was settling into an ordinary life in Iwatobi. Same as Haru had once college was over. 

For the longest time when young, Haru had wanted to be ordinary but he was well aware that he was not. He was different from a 'normal' person or what society called normal anyway. 

Even as a child, he could recall times when his mother turned her nose up if she ever saw anything remotely 'gay'. It was mostly in the media but in a small place like Iwatobi and perhaps a good part of Japan as far as Haru knew, it was not accepted and it was even frowned upon. Haru didn't want to disappoint his parents with how he really felt on the inside. He didn't want his friends to think any less of him either, especially when he was so close to them. Friends are like family. Well, they are for Haru. Parents that were never around had made Haru a bit withdrawn and it was only thanks to his friends that he turned out to be such a warm person on the inside. He would forever cherish all of his long time friendships from his childhood and his high school days. 

Still, keeping something like this bottled up for so long, twelve years was not easy. Haru was starting to feel a need like he needed to tell at least one person and he was seriously contemplating confiding in Makoto. He would probably not judge and he would listen. He probably knew something had always been up with Haru anyway. Maybe when Rin goes home, maybe then he would talk to someone. He couldn't share it with the person who was making him feel so much and he didn't want to weird Rin out anyway. Who knows how he would react if he knew how Haru looked at him? The friendship meant too much to risk like that and Rin was not the least bit gay, he had dated girls as long as Haru could remember. 

Haru wasn't even much of a 'touchy feel-y' person for the most part. Rin had always been a little clingy in the past but he was more so than ever now. He had never hugged Haru like he did that morning. Haru sighed at the memory and could subtly feel the ghost of Rin's arms around him, it was too nice. He was convinced that he could deal with a little platonic affection from the redhead and he liked it anyway. Problem was, he liked it too much. Haru sighed heavily, talking with Makoto had to happen because with the change in Rin, it was just too much to keep bottled up any longer. 

 

A night club was not a place that Haru wanted to be. It was far too loud for one and Rin had to scream over it to even talk to him. At the moment, Haru sat at the bar slowly nursing a drink as he watched Rin dance with yet another girl. This was not his thing and he had no desire to be here or dance with anyone. Ever. Maybe accepting Rin's invite had been a bad idea after all. 

Haru was also feeling something he knew he had no right to feel, jealousy, but only a little. The way these girls had Rin gyrating against them to the music. So close. It was almost like he was having sex with them on the damn dance floor. The way he moved was hard to look away from regardless of any of that. 

Haru was pretty much being a party pooper and of course Rin seemed to want to change that as he came over after his latest dance ended. "HARU! HARU, YOU SHOULD ASK SOMEONE TO DANCE." Having to talk over the loud music was such a pain! Haru groaned in annoyance and frowned at Rin. "COME ON HARU, LOOSEN UP AND HAVE FUN! DON'T YOU WANT TO DANCE WITH ONE OF THE PRETTY GIRLS HERE?" 

Glaring at Rin, Haru hated situations like this. People always assume that everyone is heterosexual. Rin it seems was no different but it wasn't really his fault when Haru kept that part of himself closed off. "I DON'T DANCE." Haru proclaimed over the music and sat his glass down on the bar a little too rough which seemed to cause Rin's eyes to widen in shock a little. 

"COME ON HARU. HAVE SOME FUN! YOU CAN'T STAY LIVING LIKE A HERMIT FOREVER." Rin was pulling on him, it was an insistent pull. "DANCE WITH ME, HARU!" Was he serious? Haru sighed and was a little shocked but he knew Rin did not mean this in the way he wished. He knew it was probably some sort of 'bro' thing. Is that what they call it these days? 

"FINE." Haru caved and of course was soon rewarded with a grin from Rin that made it all not so annoying. Dancing with Rin turned out to make the night more bearable. It was better than sitting on the sidelines and seeing him all over other people. It settled the small sting of jealousy that Haru had felt in the depth of his gut. And Rin must be pretty carefree or maybe just not a homophobic asshole because he seemed to have no problem dancing with Haru the same way he had been dancing with all those girls. 

How the hell was Haru supposed to think straight when at times, at times Rin's hips were clashing with his own. Haru had to pull back after a while because he felt his body react and he did not want Rin to notice that he was hard from the dancing. He had not felt such a thing from Rin, Rin did not get hard from dancing with another male. Haru felt ashamed that he had reacted in such a way. He had to sit down and once he did, his drink was chugged fast. He was covered in sweat from all the intense dancing and wiped his brow. Water was all he drank next because if he had anymore alcohol, he might lose what self control he had. 

Why did Rin have to be so sexy? 

It was late, Rin finally agreed to go home and Haru was so relieved. He could breathe and he was calm now after relaxing on the bar stool as he watched Rin dance with yet more women. The entire walk home, Rin had his arm thrown over Haru's shoulder. "Haru, you should dance more. You seem to be a natural just like the way you take to the water." Rin sighed, "Watching you move has always been---" Rin stopped like he wasn't sure how to put it into words. Or maybe he was too buzzed to finish his sentence. "Haru! We're home."

Looking up his house had come into view, hearing Rin call it home made his heart skip a beat. Home. It was a nice little fantasy for it to be their home. Haru sighed, thinking along such lines was not good for his heart. Unlocking the door, Haru made his way to the kitchen and fixed Rin a glass of water so he wouldn't have a hangover. "Rin. Drink this." He shoved the glass at the redhead insistently. 

"Hey Haru. Would you dance with me again?" Raising an eyebrow, Haru sat the glass on the table. Rin picked it up and slowly drank as he stared at Haru out of the corner of his eye. He seemed serious even if he was drunk. 

"Why?"

"Please Haruuuu! I want to dance some more and it was fun dancing with you!" Rin didn't wait for an answer, as he turned on some playlist from his phone, like he already knew Haru would give in to him. But it was becoming a pattern slowly, Haru realized that he had yet to say no to any of Rin's requests since he had arrived back in town. It was hard to turn down someone who was so down and lonely. Haru knew lonely well but he was convinced that it was just how things would be for himself. 

"Fine." Haru sighed softly as he finally answered and was soon being dragged into Rin's arms. But the song was slow and Rin seemed to think nothing of holding Haru close and resting his head on Haru's shoulder. It felt a little like that morning. This cozy feeling. Haru could not resist a little more of this and so he was once more holding Rin in return as they softly swayed to the music. In a way, Haru didn't want this song to come to an end and this song was probably going to be etched into his mind because this moment was nice. 

Rin was making Haru long for things. Things that were simply out of his grasp. Rin was quiet as the little dance went on and Haru heard a small sigh come out of his mouth. "I always wonder how someone like you Haru, how can someone so good be alone? Have you ever liked anyone?"

"Yes." Haru admitted but of course, he would never admit to who. The warm man in his arms would never know.


	4. Feels Like Home

"Haruuuu. Haruuuu. Who is it?"

Haru had not meant to give an honest answer about liking someone because now he had a bad feeling he would never hear the end of it. "Drink your water Rin." Haru huffed not wanting to answer. 

"Tell me! Do I know her?" Haru frowned, of course here he goes again assuming it's a girl. Everyone always assumes such things and it could get so old.

"Drop it." Haru glared at Rin, he must've noticed just how much it was irritating Haru because suddenly Rin grew quiet but it didn't last long at all. 

"Oi. Haru, why are you always alone? You never had even one girlfriend? Have you ever kissed anyone?" Rin sounded like he was concerned but Haru failed to see what the big deal was about not having anyone . It was not a requirement to get by in life. 

"Did it ever dawn on you that maybe I like being alone?" Haru huffed again, this was a touchy subject for him and Rin is the last person he wants asking him such things. 

"Tsk." Rin muttered as he leaned his forehead into Haru's, "When things are good, a relationship is a nice thing to have Haru. I just think you deserve that kind of happiness someday is all. I, I didn't know it was a sore subject for you."

His words were sweet and having him this close was even sweeter. Haru swallowed, easing out of Rin's touches. "You don't need to worry about me in that way. I'm fine. I've always been just fine. I'm telling you, I like things the way they are." Haru sighed softly, "Even if you seem to have good intentions, will you stop trying to fix something that isn't broken?"

More than anything at the moment, Haru wanted Rin to just be his friend. The way he had been acting was making Haru want more and it was just plain hard to not think about those things at the moment. _Relationships are nice huh? Can I have you then? Will you hold me at night as more than just my friend?_ But these sort of things never left his mouth even if for a moment, Haru had been very tempted to say something about it. But thoughts of Rin not being in his life at all shut Haru up before he could say a thing of that nature. 

"I'm going to bed." Haru whispers before leaving Rin alone in the kitchen. It was late and Haru was more tired than he realized and not necessarily from any lack of sleep. He was distraught over many thing; from how he'd felt jealous when he really had no right to and how he couldn't shake how good being close to Rin was making him feel. 

 

Laying in bed, Haru couldn't sleep as he wondered what Rin may be up to because he had not come to bed yet. "Haru." The light to his room came on abruptly, Haru's eyes had to adjust but he was soon looking at a wet Rin who was scantly clad in only a small towel at his waist. "I forgot to come take a change of clothes to the bathroom with me."

Haru said nothing, Rin's body was not completely dry and his hair was still damp as well. He proceeded to take a second towel that was around his neck and dry his hair off more. Haru had seen him do that before but not since high school, Rin somehow looked even better at the age of twenty-three now that Haru saw him like this again after so many years. Rin faced away from Haru as he skillfully managed to snake on some boxers by sliding them under his towel. Haru's eyes linger over his shapely muscular thighs and Haru let out the softest sigh at how beautiful they were bare. It reminded him of when Rin wore his swimsuit back in high school, the thing had looked as if it was painted on and showed off every curse of muscle. Every bit of Rin's perfection. Rin slid a shirt on and was turning around when Haru darted his eyes up at the ceiling. 

"Say Haru, " Rin sounded full of mischief, "I want to show you something." Why did he have a bad feeling about this? Sometimes Rin's bright ideas were not very pleasant to deal with. 

 

Rin laid on the bed next to Haru, propping his laptop between the two of them, Haru was now laying on his tummy next to Rin and watching the screen wondering what it was that Rin seem to want to show him so bad. "Do you ever watch porn Haru?"

No, no. He did not just say that and before Haru could protest, a video starts to play on the screen and of course, of couse it is a guy and a girl. The guy is pinning the girl to a shower wall as water falls over them and Haru bites his lip as he steals glances at Rin while he watches. Rin's face is better than what is on the screen and Haru had trouble looking away from the expression he is wearing. Clearly the video is turning Rin on in some way. "I thought you would like this one because you, you seem to like the feel of water so much." Rin had not looked away from the video and his voice had a faint huskiness in it. Shit, shit it was far too sexy and Haru had never heard him sound quite like that. 

The video did nothing for Haru but hearing Rin and watching his face was making him grow hard. He didn't want Rin to see such a thing so he shifted awkwardly and rose from the bed. "It's my turn for a shower." He declared and it was as if he could not get out of his room fast enough. It was hard to breathe. It was hard to not want to touch Rin. 

Haru closed the bathroom door, standing against it and panting a little because of how fast he had descended the stairs and made it to the bathroom. That voice of Rin's would not leave his head. Seeing him almost naked earlier fresh from the shower was soon lacing itself into those thoughts as well. 

Shedding his clothes, Haru could not get under cold water fast enough. It's wrong, feeling like this. Wishing it was Rin pinned to the wall while Haru --- No, no! It wasn't something he should think! Leaning over the water hit Haru right in the face but it failed to clear his dirty thoughts of Rin. This was the worst part of his attraction. Sexual desire for Rin. At times, like now, Haru couldn't shake it. Desperate to calm himself, Haru soon has a soapy hand sliding along his length. Gasping as he pictures Rin and what it may be like to see him moaning or flushed faced in the middle of sex. He had a little better idea of what that might be like after hearing that husky tone. 

"Rinnn..." Haru softly moaned as he felt the relief of his release. This was the only form of sex he had known over the years and he had no plans to ever change that. Why had Rin thought it was a good idea to watch porn together? 

Returning to the room, Haru was met with a a sight of Rin going through something or reading a book. "You know, I watch porn Rin. I'm not dead."

"Really? You do? Have you ever slept with a girl before?"

"No. Does it really matter?"

"Haru?"

"You just seem to think I'm naive or innocent but you're mistaken. It isn't, it isn't really your business."

"Oh."

Rin grew quiet. Haru climbed back into bed after turning out the light. "Let's get some sleep." Another long day. Each one seeming to grow more awkward than the previous. Haru wasn't sure why Rin was so concerned about his love life and his sex life but in a way, it seemed as if he was trying to divert his attention away from his own situation. He had stopped bitching about his ex so at least there was something good in the sea of all the annoying things he was doing. 

He was a pain but he was worth it. 

"Goodnight Haru." Rin said with a soft yawn as he held Haru close just as he had before. "You make a good pillow Haru." Rin mumbled sleepily, "You smell good too." Rin buried his nose into Haru's hair and inhaled in such a way that it was hard not to miss. "This is nice." Haru was well aware of just how nice it was and was wondering how lonely it was going to feel when Rin was not in his bed tomorrow night. This coziness would be so easy to get used to. 

"Goodnight Rin." Haru sighed softly, Rin probably missed the longing in his tone. 

 

Rin left the next afternoon, Haru knew it was high time he spoke to someone because things were just a little too much. He called Makoto who was now sitting with him on his back porch. 

"There is something that I never tell anyone. You know how I never date or bother having a girlfriend or anything else that the rest of you do?"

"Yeah, I've always just assumed that maybe you were asexual or something." Makoto sounded sincere and understanding which helped Haru to relax. He just really needed to tell someone, someone he had always trusted. 

"I'm not asexual. Things would be easier if I was. I used to be good at just dealing with this on my own but not lately. Not since Rin got back-"

"Rin? What does it have to do with Rin? Is seeing him heartbroken--wait, it is something else isn't it?"

Haru nodded softly. "I--" a long sigh escaped Haru because this was not easy even if it was someone he felt the most comfortable confiding in. "I have always found myself attracted to Rin."

"Oh. I always thought Rin was the one with a crush on you when we were in the old swim club."

"Really?" Haru let out a halfhearted laugh, "If he, if he really was like that then my life would be easier but he clearly likes girls and back then he just admired my swimming. He told me in high school that he admired me. Admiration and a crush are two different things."

"Is it really that easy Haru? Maybe you should talk to Rin instead of assuming how he might feel?"

"I can't. I can't lose him as a friend."

"Oh, makes sense. But you know if you don't take some risks, you will never know."

"Rin isn't gay, Makoto."

"Okay. I get it. How do you plan on dealing with your feelings then?"

"I guess I just have to forget him in that way."

"Haru. How long have you felt this way about him?"

"Hmmm...twelve years." Haru knew that something that lasted that long was not easy to shake off but that was the most realistic thing to do. Makoto seemed to be taking things well. He wasn't judging or calling Haru out for being sick. It felt like a weight was lifted just by telling someone. 

"Twelve years? You're good at keeping secrets. Have you ever felt that way about anyone besides Rin?" 

"No. Just Rin. I feel this pull towards him. I can't really explain it." 

Makoto sighed, "I still think you should talk to him."

"I just can't. Thank you for hearing me out." Haru sighed. "I should be able to get over it. I mean it is just attraction to him. I'm not in love with him or anything."

Makoto just gave Haru a look and Haru sighed. "If you say so. Haru."

The day felt freer after Makoto left. Haru changed and went down to the old swim club to relax and float in the water. He had to think about his predicament. Makoto's words were not completely wrong. Maybe he should say something to Rin?

But there was so much risk in that. So much to put on the line and how would Rin understand when he, he was clearly not gay. Rin was just affectionate is all. He had always been that way, it was just his nature. 

_Why did he have to feel like home?_

Arriving home, Haru is surprised to see Rin standing at his front door. He is crossing his arms and he doesn't look happy. "Haru. We need to talk. I forgot something this afternoon and when I came to retrieve it. I heard some of what you said-" Haru could feel his heart stop and he had a bad feeling that his dear friendship was about to come to a halt as well and not in a good way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave feedback? Comments? Constructive criticism?


	5. Get Over It?

Rin heard? He actually heard some of that conversation? What are the chances of that and how could his timing be that bad? Haru opened his mouth to speak but nothing would come out. His heart rate picked up in fear, fear of losing this person from his life.

"I only heard a little of what you guys were talking about. I couldn't keep listening because that felt wrong even though it seemed to be about me. Haru, can you tell me, what is up with you? You're attracted to me?"

What part had he heard? Only some part where Haru had admitted to being attracted to him? Maybe things would be okay if-

"Yes, it's only attraction. Don't worry I won' t act on it."

Rin ran a hand through his hair like he was contemplating something. "I just-why did you never say anything?" Rin tilted his head like he was some puppy and couldn't understand this part. 

"Because Rin. It isn't normal. It is wrong. We are both-" 

"Guys?"

"Yes." Haru slowly nodded, "I know there is something wrong. Something off about me. I just, I'll get over it somehow." But how long that would take was the real question. 

Rin looked confused by this and he grew a little quiet for a moment, it looked like he was thinking. "You know, I-I don't think you're sick or anything Haru."

"I-thank you. I should probably spend time away from you. I know, I know you need a friend right now but being close to you like this makes it harder to forget how I feel."

"You want space, Haru?" Rin's tone sounded a little hurt and Haru instantly felt his heart drop. He felt bad but he needed to push Rin away for a little while and see if he can stop feeling this way. 

"I, no matter what, I don't want to lose you as a friend, Rin." Haru sighed and realized they were still standing in front of his house. He had kept a good distance from Rin, afraid Rin was possibly repulsed by this situation but he didn't seem to be or rather it was hard to really tell. 

He didn't try and touch Haru so that was something right?

"Haru. Haru Haru. Idiot. Our friendship can handle this. I'm not going to cut you out of my life just because you find me sexy." Rin had a stupid grin as he said this and it felt like he was amused by it or something. 

Haru frowned softly not sure how to take the light nature of that reaction. He grew quiet and his eyes traced over Rin's body for a moment, he could feel it - sexual tension. One sided, he was pretty sure.

"You know what Haru? You are not bad looking yourself. I find you sexy in my own way." Haru was sure Rin didn't know what he was talking about. 

"That's different though, Rin. You like girls right? You don't think about sleeping with me. I think there is a difference." Haru swallowed, that last part just sort of slipped out because he was trying to make a point. 

"I don't know how I feel Haru." Rin sounded a little upset now and Haru felt bad. It was his fault Rin's voice seemed to break a little just now. "I just never entertained the thought of another guy."

Haru swallowed again and he felt really thirsty, his throat seemed so dry all of the sudden. "You don't have to start now Rin. Don't worry. I will get over it."

"I think you said that already Haru. So you can't even handle hanging out with me? Isn't that what we did all weekend?"

"Yes but-"

"But what Haru? You can't be around me? You didn't try anything on me and I trust that you have self control." Rin sounded sad, perhaps he didn't like the idea of having to stay away? Haru didn't know but he felt guilt wash over him. 

"I just need space. A little space." Haru spoke softly, "I don't have perfect control like you seem to think." _I kissed you while you were sleeping. A stolen kiss when you trusted me._ "I had to run off to shower after you showed me that porn."

"It is normal for a guy to want to jerk off after watching porn Haru....." Rin sounded confused again and Haru wanted to smack his own forehead because Rin didn't seem to get what he was trying to say. 

Did he really have to just plain spell it out? "I wasn't watching that video Rin. I was watching your face and the way you spoke-" Haru sighed, "I got turned on by it-"

"You did? You mean you left the room, hard? I made you hard?" 

God, this was awkward as hell. "Can we go inside to talk?" Haru fumbled with his keys but managed to get his door unlocked. Slipping his shoes off as he entered the door, he could not get to the kitchen fast enough to grab a bottle of water. 

Rin was right behind him and didn't seem to like that his question was not answered. "Haru, I made you hard? Me?" Why did he have to keep saying that?

"Yes. I jerked off in that shower and you don't want to know what I was thinking about you at the time Rin."

"Oh. I never really thought about that but guys can have sex can't they?" Was he really saying this? Haru wanted to take his bottle of water and drowned in it. 

"Guess you know what kind of porn I watch now." Haru muttered, "I have just never found myself attracted to any women. Only men." _Mainly you._ Haru had found some of the men attractive in some of the porn he had watched but his mind would always make it Rin. He wasn't going to admit that though, that it was always Rin that caused him to get so damn turned on. 

"Then didn't you ever want a boyfriend?"

"No, I told you being alone is fine and I meant it." Haru sighed, "My parents would never accept that Rin. My mother calls constantly nagging me to get a girlfriend. She wants grand kids and two guys can't give her that anyway." 

Rin looked sympathetic, "Sounds rough."

"How are you taking this so easily? Are you bothered about how I want you? It isn't right the way I feel. It isn't normal or healthy Rin. There is something wrong with me in the head." Haru sounded a little upset and he was starting to wish Rin would leave so he could be alone. So he could breathe. 

"It doesn't bug me that you feel this way? I mean I don't know what to think but I am not repulsed by it. You are my friend and if this is how you feel then this is how you feel." Rin sighed, "It doesn't change that you are my friend and besides how long have we been friends Haru? Too long for it to be shaken so easily."

That made Haru feel a little bit of relief. "I'm not pushing you away here. I just need a little time. I'll find a way to get over you." 

"Get over me? You almost sound like it is love and not attraction Haru." 

"I never was good with finding the right words though. I am not in love with you. It is just attraction. I know it." Haru was convinced of it or so he told himself anyway. 

"Well, I really wanted to stay but if you want space. I can give you space. Just, just try not to take too long? I already miss you from being in Australia for so long. College is finally over and I am back and I want to hang out with you."

"We will." Haru softly smiled. 

"Good." Rin was hugging him again but Haru still told himself hugs were okay and held onto Rin for a moment. What if this was their last hug? 

The hug lingered a little, neither seemed to want to let go. "I always did like being close to you, Haru." Rin's voice seemed to have a little hum to it, "I'll see you soon I hope." Rin pat Haru's back and pulled away. "I need to start job hunting in the morning anyway."

"Good luck with it." Haru replied and felt a little more relief after having this talk with Rin. Things were going to be okay it seems. Their friendship could withstand this and it felt stronger than ever. 

 

After Rin left, Haru sat on top of his bed and looked through one of his sketchbooks. This one was special. This one was nothing but drawings of Rin. So many times when he put pen to paper, Haru ended up drawing Rin and his smiling face. Missing him had been hard. It was true that it was really nice that he was back, it felt like old times mostly. 

Rin's understanding was like years of worry had been stripped from Haru's shoulders. That part of Rin being unsure did leave Haru with a little unease but for the most part he felt like things would be okay for now.

It sounds simple though, getting over how he felt but it didn't feel simple. If you feel something for years, how do you get over it? It is something that can be forced out of your mind? Things would be so much easier if it were possible. 

Rin and Makoto had both taken it well, better than Haru would have guessed. Maybe it was because of how close Haru felt to the two of them. He knew his parents would never take something like this sitting down, especially his mother. 

In a way, having his parents gone so much when he was younger made it easier. Hiding how he felt and less pressure to be forced to date. Though it was a bit lonely and it felt at times like they could careless whether Haru even existed. 

Even now, they were always away because of his dad's job. Being twenty-four, Haru didn't need them around and it was nice to have his grandmother's house as his own now. They had given it to him once he graduated college. He was the only one who lived in it most of the time anyway. 

Living in a paid off house, Haru didn't have a lot of bills so he had found doing freelance art to be a nice way to get by. He made his own hours as long as he met deadlines. For now, Haru worked for several magazines and sometimes helped a local advertising agency with art for their ads. 

Life was simple but a bit dull. Sitting his drawings aside, Haru laid down in his bed and curled up. Trying to get to sleep. Rin had only held him two nights but he knew he would miss it. He was right. 

Being in those arms and being held so close. It had almost felt like-- Like what? A relationship? Rin was just affectionate. He had always been so affectionate and he had only been more so because he was lonely. Because he missed that girl.

Still that did not change that Haru wished Rin was right there. Wished Rin was holding him and maybe wished he could just one more time. Just one. Was it too much to long for?

Haru sighed, with this line of thinking, how was he ever going to just get over Rin? Was it even possible or was he kidding himself?


	6. Not Wrong?

Life goes on but nothing seemed to change regarding Haru's feelings. It had been a few lonesome weeks and day after day thoughts of Rin were just as alive as they had always been. Work was something to at least stay preoccupied with. Haru buried himself in it and took on more than he could really handle but it made him so busy that he missed a few get-togethers with everyone. 

Tonight there was a get together but it was just dinner with Makoto and his family. His pregnant wife and their kid. Haru sat at their dinner table, watching how they interacted with each other. "Glad you could come. It has been a few weeks since I saw you last." He had that look like he knew Haru was still not dealing with his Rin situation. "Did you talk to him?"

"A little." Haru kept it vague because Makoto's family was there and it was just not something to go into great detail until later when they could hang out alone for a bit. 

Makoto looked please with even this simple answer, "I told you it would be okay." There he was somehow knowing the conversation had went okay even without Haru spelling it out. 

"How have you guys been?" Haru turned the topic off of himself and really he wanted to know about the baby that was on the way. 

"Good. We got the ultrasound back. We're having a girl this time." As Makoto said this, he placed his hand on his wife's stomach, she looked up at him and smiled. "We just can't agree on a name yet." He chuckled softly. Haru could see a warmth between the two of them, they were so domestic, simple and just plain happy. Must be nice.

Haru sighed softly as he watched how close they always seemed, how in love. "Uncle Haru. Will you push me on the swing like last time?" A green eyed boy who looked so much like his dad it was uncanny pulled at Haru's leg. Getting up from his seat, Haru let the youngster drag him outside to a tree in the backyard where Makoto had hung the tire swing for his son. "I want to get dizzy like last time! Uncle Haru, will you make it do the spinning thing again?" 

"Sure." Haru replied smiling at the child, helping him into the swing. As Haru pushed him, his little face lit up with pure joy and it reminded Haru of days when he was small and more carefree. Haru had not been the happiest child. Life had been lonely but without Makoto, Rin and the rest of his friends - the truth is, Haru would've probably ended up a bitter person who kept to himself all the time. 

"Uncle Rin pushes me too." 

"He does?" 

"Yeah. He acts like a big kid. I really like Uncle Rin!"

Rin. Rin was the happiest person when Haru first met him and he had this smile like no other. Why else would he make Haru's chest hurt back then with his smile and his cheesy lines? "Romantic, right?' As Rin grew older he was less carefree about such things and he even grew bashful at times when teased. There were so many things about him that made him precious. A precious friend. Haru sighed, he could get over his feelings for Rin and he would do it for the sake of their friendship. 

"Hey, Uncle Haru?! Dad just said dinner is ready!" Haru stopped pushing and made sure the swing came to a safe stop. "Can I have a piggy back ride?" Nodding, Haru leaned down while he climbed on. 

Dinner was pleasant but made Haru feel lonely. He was already missing Rin's company because it had been far too nice having him around even if it was only a few days. A few days he wanted to go back to and relive. The chances that Rin would still be the same just seemed a little slim. He would probably think twice before touching Haru again because he should know now that Haru likes it too much. 

"So what happened when you spoke to Rin?" Makoto sat on his porch sipping at his iced barley tea and he had that understanding tone that he seemed to almost be born with. 

"I haven't seen him in a few weeks." Haru started, "I asked him for some space and he is giving me that. I, I'm trying to get over how I feel about him. I shouldn't put those kind of feelings on a friend like that and it's wrong. It's so wrong to feel this way." 

Makoto sighed heavily, "Why is it wrong? Why are you so convinced that you don't have a right to feel how you feel?" It was hard to believe that Makoto could really understand it. But somehow he always had a good idea of where Haru was coming from. 

"Because, I am supposed to like girls and I am supposed to want to get married and have kids and be normal. Be ordinary. I am not supposed to want Rin like I do. I am not supposed to lust after another male." Haru huffed softly, frustrated and not meaning to almost snap. 

"Haru, you didn't choose to be this way, right?" Makoto rationalized, "You just are. It is part of who you are and I just think you need to take a step back and think about why, why are you just so adamant that it is wrong? Not all of society rejects such a thing. I see no problem with how you feel. How did Rin take it?"

"Well actually. I thought he would, I thought he would be repulsed but he seems okay with it but he also mentioned that he doesn't know how he really feels about it. I don't know. I mean our friendship is fine but I--"

"Can't stop feeling how you feel? No wonder though Haru, you said it had been like that for twelve years." Makoto put his glass down and looked off in the distance, "I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be really happy Haru. I think Rin might be just what you need."

"He doesn't feel that way. Makoto, we all know he likes girls." Haru sighed softly, he knew Makoto meant well and he was comforted by his words in a way but he also knew that it was a pipe dream at the same time. "He-"

"looks at you in a way that makes me think there is more to it, Haru. I don't think it is as simple as you are making it." Makoto's words were probably just a misunderstanding of sorts because there was no way that Rin felt anything like that. How could he? He was normal like all the rest of their friends. 

Haru was the only oddball of the group. 

"He told me and I told you, he said he admires me and I highly doubt he looks at me in any other way than as a friend. We are just close friends. Same as you and me, Makoto. Just really close friends."

"You sound like you are trying to convince yourself more than me." Makoto softly chuckled and seemed to find it a little amusing for some reason. "I still think there is nothing wrong with the way you are Haru."

Haru sighed heavily, "Thank you." It was nice that Makoto felt that way but it was also a concept Haru had not thought about either. "I can't do that to Rin though, it would be selfish. I can't burden him with this. I have to get over it." 

Haru knew he sounded like a broken record and no matter how many times he told himself to get over it. No matter how many times he tried to picture Rin in a normal way, it just never came to pass. A few weeks was not enough time to get over something that had lasted twelve years. Just how much time apart did he really need from Rin? If years apart had not changed these feelings, how was he supposed to change them now?

 

It was a short walk home from Makoto's, he had managed to buy a home close to his parent's house so it was the same distance it had always been. Haru sat down on the long flight of stairs rather than going straight home. Was it really okay to feel these things? Was it really okay to pine away after someone in a one sided manner? If he stopped touching Rin, if he put a little distance in the physical part of their friendship would that make it any easier? Rin would probably like that better right?

But then again, he had still hugged Haru the other day even knowing about how Haru feels. A hug that had lingered for some reason. Being in his arms, Haru knew there was no place he wanted to be more at the moment. 

"Maybe I will never be over this."

Noticing how dark it was getting, Haru stood to go up the stairs to his house and looked up at the sky. It was clear and it was filled with stars. Rin would probably call it romantic. Rin would probably like to lay on a blanket under them and find all the constellations. 

Haru recalls when Rin had stayed over once before he went off to Australia, he was always going on about things he found romantic. Like cherry blossoms and rainbows, he was such a sap. A beautiful sappy romantic and yet an utterly adorable idiot. He wasn't perfect but at times it almost felt like he was. 

"Nanase, did you know if you discover a star in the sky that no one else has, that you can name it?" Haru had not replied back then and had been a little confused at why Rin liked that so much. "I think I would name mine Haru." Remembering this made Haru's heart skip a beat, back then it had seemed a little foolish and silly but really, it was flattering. If Rin did have some sort of crush back then, it was just some childhood thing. It was just that admiration actually. It was not a crush. 

"Oi, Haru!" He could swear that Rin's voice was so near like his memories were coming to life. "Haru! HARU!" It was like Rin was right there. "HARU!" Wait a minute, Rin never called him Haru back then. Rin had always called him Nanase. "Earth to Haru!"

"Rin?"

"Why are you standing out here zoning out?" Rin chuckled, amused by what he had come across obviously. 

"Nothing."

"You looked lost in thought. I doubt it was nothing-"

"Just thinking about when we were kids. Times were simple. More carefree." 

"Haru, you sound like some old man! Come on. I want to talk to you." Rin took Haru's hand as he walked by and they slowly climbed the stairs like that, with Rin slightly ahead. Haru stared at his hand and bit his lip because it felt all tingly in the places Rin was touching. 

Once at his front door, Haru was fishing out his keys when he realized Rin was standing really close behind him. Rin was leaning in and invading space that Haru wished he would not invade. Was he really trying to torture Haru? He had to know, he had to know that Haru was not immune to this. 

"Are you okay Rin? You're not drunk right?"

"Haru, I have been thinking about some of the things you said. I have been seeing you in a different light but maybe, maybe I was already looking at you like this anyway. Haru."

"What do you mean?"

Haru could feel Rin moving closer but not touching, could feel his warm breath creeping over the back of his neck and causing goosebumps to form. "I want you Haru."

Okay, clearly Rin had lost his mind or Haru was hallucinating.


	7. Blissful Confusion

"What is that supposed to mean?" Rin had to be drunk or high or something didn't he? He was so close, "Can't you let me get inside before we talk?"

"You smell good, Haru." Rin finally backed off, allowing Haru to open his door. "I've been thinking about what you said."

"I think you must be drunk?" Haru insisted as he made his way into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. Rin was making his throat go dry again. Haru drank the liquid down as Rin watched him far too closely. It was like being under a microscope because Rin seem to be literally drinking Haru in with his eyes. 

"I'm not drunk, Haru. I just, I have been thinking of what you said and I can't get it off my mind. I even watched your kind of porn and then I remembered how good you look."

Haru leaned into the fridge because he felt as if all the air in the room was being sucked away and he was going to fall over. Rin was not really here and he was not really saying that. Right?

But it wasn't right because Rin kept coming closer and soon had both of his arms against the sides of the fridge encasing Haru against it. "I can't get thoughts of being with you out of my head. Don't you want to touch me Haru?"

"Touch you? Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"It is just sex, right?" Rin was using that tone, that husky voice and he was moving in so close. "I want you, Haru." 

The way he said 'Haru', it was almost like a moan and Haruka could feel his heart jump into his throat. "You don't know what you're saying Rin. You don't really want that."

"You know that night when we had that talk? There was a moment there where you were quiet Haru and you were checking me out almost shamelessly. You should've seen the look on your face and the way you bit your lip. I've never thought anything was so sexy in my life, Haru. I am telling you. I want you. I mean it!"

"Why? Is this some kind of experiment for you, Rin? Why do you want to risk our friendship?"

"Haru. It would just be one night. Let's forget and let's get lost together. I am curious. I want to know what it is like to be with you, to be intimate with you. Haru." Rin moved closer, his nose brushing over Haru's. "I'm not playing a game here. Just give in to that desire you were talking about Haru."

"You have lost your mind right? You don't want this! You don't know what you are saying. We shouldn't. We can't." 

"Why not Haru? Aren't you a virgin? Don't you want to know? Aren't you the least bit curious? Tell me what you were thinking in the shower that day." Rin's breath was warm and so close, so very close. 

"Rin. I don't want to gamble with our friendship. It means too much. You mean too much." Haru's voice was a soft protest and his heart had never beat so fast, not even from swimming. 

Rin reached out, cupping Haru's face and moved back just enough that he could stare at him with those crimson eyes, which were half lidded. The desire in his eyes looked and felt so real, especially with how dreadfully close he was. "I want you, Haru." The way he said it this time, he sounded so convincing and so turned on. He meant what he was saying and Haru could no longer deny that much at least. 

Haru grew quiet, just staring into Rin's eyes in return, mesmerized at how incredibly sexy he was up this close and with all his attention on Haru. Haru swallowed and knew if Rin tried anything he was a goner. 

"Haru. What do you say? I know you want me, you made that perfectly clear before. I can't get you off my mind, Haru. I want to hear you moan and I want to make you feel things you have never felt. Sex, it is intense Haru. It feels amazing and I really want to experience what that is like with you. I know I have never thought of this until now. Until I knew what you felt, but I think something is awakening in me that was already always there."

"What does that even mean Rin?"

"I think I have always been attracted to you too. I know I looked at you a lot more than others and I know even when I was little that I was drawn to you more than any other person, Haru. Let's give in. Haru. Don't worry about tomorrow."

It was hard to not worry but Haru's resistance was a very thin line and Rin looked so good, smelled so nice and sounded so sensual. He was so close and he was offering himself up in a way Haru had been imagining in his mind for the longest time. "We can't..." Haru's tone was so halfhearted, his resolved was melting like ice in an oven. 

Rin moved in closer again, brushing his nose against Haru's once more. "Can I at least kiss you?" A kiss? Wasn't that innocent enough? Haru had never even done that but he knew Rin had and he had even seen him kiss his girlfriend in the past. 

Haru didn't speak but simply closed his eyes and waited. It was soft, it was sweet and it was something he could tell he was going to end up longing for. He could swear it was making him dizzy as it got more intense when Rin ended up with a very persistent tongue as well. It went from innocent to passionate, Haru felt heat rise from his middle and he sighed softly. This was some form of heaven. 

He wanted to give in but, Haru pulled out of the kiss gently and was heavily panting. "Rin. I still think this is a bad-" Maybe Rin didn't want to hear that because he went right back to kissing Haru and his arms somehow found there way aound Haru's waist. And it was so confusing because something like this. Something that was supposed to be wrong and feel wrong. Yet it felt so right. 

Haru let out the tiniest moan as he laced his fingers up into Rin's soft red hair and it reminded him of that moment on the couch when Rin had rested his head on Haru's lap. It was so nice to play with his hair but doing so while kissing was so much better. A light feeling seemed to envelope Haru, it was sweet but also a little bitter. 

This was nice but it was only for one night. It wasn't anything serious and if Rin wanted it to be this way and Rin seemed to want it just as bad as Haru knew he always had.

Why not?

These feelings, this attraction, it was not going anywhere so trying to make it go was just a waste of time. And this was probably some off once in a lifetime thing. The straight friend who becomes curious to know what it is like to be with another male. What would Rin really think in the morning? 

Haru's head was spinning, too many things happening at once and he should really stop thinking. Should stop over-analyzing the entire thing. Rin pulled away this time, grazing his nose against Haru's again and placing light kisses over Haru's lips. It was all so sweet. 

Haru roust up every bit of nerve he had and took Rin by the hand. "Wait. Just no regrets? Promise?" Rin nodded and had a stupid sexy grin on his face. 

Once in his room, Haru gave Rin the same sort of treatment and it wasn't for revenge. It was all that pent up desire being unleashed on Rin. Haru pinned him to the wall and seized his lips, perhaps it was too eager but it felt freeing to just be. To just give in to this and forget the mess that it really was. 

Pulling away from Rin, Haru looked at him closely and could hardly believed how flushed his face was and how hard he was breathing. He looked so sexy, Haru felt a pang of guilt, he wanted this but he didn't want to deal with what happens afterwards. This was reckless and foolish. 

"Stop thinking Haru. Don't back out on me now, please Haru? I assure you that I am a grown man and I know exactly what I want and what I am doing here with you." Rin was pleading but it was so breathy and it sounded so needy and it was so damn convincing. 

"I just how can you be so sure that this is what you want when you don't even know what you are really getting into?" Haru sounded unsure, frustrated but his voice also held a longing in it. 

"Haru, I know full well. I told you. How many times do I have to say it? I want to give myself to you. I want to know what it feels like to have you fuck me senseless. You would not believe how turned on just thinking about this has made me. Haru. I want you so bad that I cannot see straight. And I know you want me, I can feel it in the way you kissed me just now."

In truth, Haru's mind was shifting back and forth like weighing his options plus this was all so new. A first kiss that lead to sex? It felt really rushed but he wasn't completely opposed to the idea of it, just so overwhelmed. "I turn you on?"

Rin softly chuckled as he playfully bit at Haru's lower lip. "I am now and all you did was kiss me." He was soon running a trail of kisses down Haru's jaw and neck, Rin must be frustrated because he shifted their positions and pinned Haru against the wall pressing his body close. "I know you can feel that, Haru. That is all because of you."

Haru hissed, feeling a warmth against his skin where Rin was nipping and sucking at his neck. Groaning softly when he felt Rin's body, he was so hard. Haru could feel his own body respond as Rin slowly moved his hips. Just barely causing friction, "Rin. You better not regret this tomorrow." 

Rin just chuckled, he seemed so sure of himself. "You were all I thought about for the past few weeks. We can move slow, I know you have never been with anyone and I have only been with one person before. Haru. We have all night."

"Just how much do you know about this really Rin? Do you know about preparations? Do you know we need lube?" Haru realized he had nothing that could work for that and wondered just how prepared Rin really was or if he had researched this as thoroughly as he seemed to think he had. 

"Fuck." Rin groaned and sounded really frustrated, "Okay I didn't think that far into it."

''They sell it at the convenience store." Haru remarked, "If you really want to go any further, I suggest you go get some." Haru was being a pain sure but he knew it would go no further without it. 

"Haruuuuu. Fine." Rin huffed and hugged Haru. "You're a pain in the ass. You know that?"

"That's what the lube is for Rin. So I won't be that kind of pain." Haru was now softly chuckling and Rin's face was so red. 

"I hate you, Haru." Rin said this sounding frustrated and annoyed but also slightly amused and maybe he felt a bit of relief at how light Haru sounded. 

"No, you don't Rin." Haru brushed his hand over the front of Rin's pants and kissed his lips softly. "You made that perfectly clear with this and with your words and your persistent kisses." 

Rin just groaned. "I'll be back soon. Don't change your mind, please. This is embarrassing buying these things this late at night. God, if I didn't want you so bad I would never subject myself to this, Haru."

"I know that Rin."


	8. Adorable Idiots

After Rin left, Haru laid down on his bed with his hands in his hair. Had all that really just happened? He could still feel a faint hint of Rin's insistent lips against his own even though they were not there. Haru sighed. This felt like some form of heaven but at the same time he still knew in his heart that it was wrong. 

It just didn't feel wrong at all though, it felt so damn natural. It felt like he was supposed to be like this with Rin, like second nature. Why was it so confusing? 

Why indeed? Because his whole life, his mother and others as well had given Haru that impression. Boys don't kiss boys or date other boys. Excreta, excreta. Had his mother noticed the way he looked at Rin back then? As far as Haru could recall, she hadn't but then what would make her so adamant to point things like this out to a twelve year old?

Lucky for Haru, she had not been around that much and as far as his grandma was concerned the subject just never came up around her and she thought nothing of it when Haru had shared a bed with Rin as a boy. Thought nothing of it when she had walked in and Rin was curled up with Haru like Haru was his pillow. Rin had forgotten it and had trouble sleeping till he insisted on laying on Haru slightly. Haru had found it to not annoy him at all. 

Haru wondered what his grandma would say about all this. She had always been there for him before she passed away. She had always understood Haru in a way that other people just didn't. She got him into drawing and cooking. Part of the reason Haru loved such things was because it reminded him of her and her gentle ways. 

As he thought about it, he came to the conclusion that she would not be like his mother. His father had never said a thing about it but his mother, she was cold when it came to such things. Icy cold. 

Lost in thought, Haru almost missed the ringing of his phone. It had stopped and started up all over again, nagging him. Who calls at this time in the evening? But as he saw the display, Haru had a small amused smile and was soon pressing the phone to his ear. 

"What is it Rin? Not coming back?" Haru was pretty sure that was not the case especially when Rin spoke. He was whispering and it was hard to make out what he was trying to say. "I can't hear you. Speak up."

"Haru," He was speaking louder now, "What kind do I get?! There are like twenty or so different kinds of lube Haru!" The sound of confusion was thick in Rin's tone and Haru chuckled softly. "This isn't funny!"

"Just get one, I'm sure they all work just fine." Haru didn't see what the big alarm was for. Wasn't all lube pretty much the same? Just how much variety could a drug store have anyway? They were probably just different brands. 

"That isn't any help, Haru!" Rin was so loud and frustrated now and he sounded so annoyed at the situation. "Shit, Haru people are looking at me." He was whispering again as he said this. 

"Rin, just get some and get back here. I want you."

Rin groaned softly at that. "Obviously I want you too or I would not subject myself to this! Haru help me here." 

Was this really a time to research lube? Haru groaned right back and just didn't get why Rin was making a big deal out of this. "Rin. Just get back here soon." 

"You suck! Fine, I will do this on my own."

"I don't suck, but I think that might change soon." Haru was purring into the phone and frustrating himself by teasing Rin but as he heard another groan and this one filled with longing. It was so worth it. 

"Don't say that when I am on the phone in public, Haru!"

Soon the line was quiet, Haru looked at it and wasn't sure if Rin hung up on purpose or by accident. He was feeling his mood lighten with all the antics and he could hear the anxiety in Rin's voice. They were both nervous. Rin had seemed so damn sure of himself that it was intoxicating but maybe he was just good at putting up a front. 

Haru sighed, it felt good to be on the same level. He could hardly wait to see Rin walk back through his bedroom door. He'd purposely left the front door unlocked while Rin was gone and let Rin know. Haru contemplated undressing but this was a first time and he wanted Rin to be there when his clothes came off. 

 

He'd fallen into a light sleep waiting, just how much longer Rin had taken was unknown because Haru had not bothered watching the clock. Instead he felt something hit his body and he woke with a a start to an irritated Rin who was crossing his arms. "I bought one of everything. I didn't know what to get!"

Haru sat up and saw several bottles and tubes of lube. "I thought you said only one night Rin? We could fuck for months with all this lube, sheesh." 

Rin huffed, "Says the guy who wouldn't help me choose! This is my ass we are talking about! Does just any of these work the same? There has to be a reason for so many kinds, Haru!"

Haru couldn't help a small smile because this was just so cute. How could Rin be so cute? It put Haru at so much ease that he was no longer feeling the doubt and the reluctance to hold back. He examined several of the bottles before seeing one that was water based. "This one should work good."

Rin looked dumbfounded at how quickly Haru seem to sort through the mass collection of lubes. "How can you be so sure that one is best?"

"It is water based and don't look at me like that! I read it online and I just remembered when I saw the bottle." Haru replied matter of factly. 

"And you couldn't remember that an hour ago? Do you know how much money I spend? Haru!" 

Haru placed all of the lube into his bedside draw except the one he planned on using and sat it on top as he stared up at Rin. He was now sitting on the edge of his bed and he pulled Rin close by his shirt and hugged him around the waist. 

"Rin." He muttered in a tone that was meant to sooth Rin's worry or at least try. "Stop stressing over the lube and come here. I missed you while you were out." Haru pulled at Rin's arm gently and the redhead was soon leaning over and bracing himself on Haru's shoulders as their lips met in a kiss and Rin seemed to calm and groan softly. 

As he pulled away from Haru, Rin was now smiling softly. He pushed Haru back and Haru scooted over in the bed as Rin was soon laying on top of him, body flush against his. "I think I feel your heart racing. Haru. Can you feel mine?" Rin took Haru's hand and placed it against his chest. 

He could feel it, it was pounding so hard. "Did you run back here or something?" Haru questioned and Rin started laughing softly. 

"Idiot." He muttered leaning down and pressing his forehead to Haru's. "You did that to me. Not running, though I did hurry back to you. I told you. I want you." Rin rolled his hips as he spoke and Haru could feel how hard he was again, already. 

"You did." Haru breathed out before leaning up just enough to press his lips to Rin. He moaned softly at the friction of Rin's grinding against him and it wasn't long before his own body was responding. "I want you too. So bad. I have for so long." Haru said this between heated kisses. He really liked feeling Rin against him like this, pressed so close there was not even room for air. The only thing in the way being clothes. 

"You know what I did since we last spoke?" Rin whispered against Haru's ear. "I thought about you like this. Just like this and I got so hard that it would not go away till I jerked off and it kept happening. Haru." Rin bit Haru's ear softly and ran his tongue along it. "Do you still doubt how much I want you?"

"No." How could he be with so much convincing? It was overwhelming to think of Rin doing such things. Thinking of Rin doing what Haru had been doing for years now. "Guess you know how I feel then, because I have been jerking off thinking about you for years."

Rin groaned at that. "I wish I had known sooner." He sounded like he wanted to turn back time and have more moments with Haru but maybe that was only wishful thinking on Haru's part. He couldn't read Rin that well could he?

Rin leaned in and kissed him again, it felt more needy than ever now. He rolled his hips at an alarmingly persistent rate. Haru's breathing increased as he met Rin's movement and kissed him back. He ran his hands up into Rin's hair and sighed longingly. 

They kissed like this for a long time, it felt like hours but Haru treasured every moment of it. He didn't want it to end and he saw no need to rush any of it. It was all new to both of them. He knew Rin had been with his girlfriend but he also knew Rin had never done this with a guy so it was still in a way Rin's first time. 

Rin pulled away, barely because his lips were still brushing over Haru's. "I really haven't had that much sex and this is so different. I don't mean because you're a guy. I can't explain it really but I feel so different with you Haru."

That statement was so vague that it didn't make much sense to Haru really. What was Rin trying to really say with that? Didn't he mention this was just sex that they were getting into? Haru didn't want to start thinking along those lines again and he didn't want to start over thinking this all over again so he slid his hands under the back of Rin's shirt and sighed as he felt how surprisingly soft his bare skin was. "I want to feel you. Now." Haru tugged at Rin's shirt and it was soon over his head. 

Rin chuckled and his eyes seemed to hold this glow to them. He was filled with so much life behind those eyes. "Getting eager Haru?" But Haru knew Rin felt the same because of how damn seductive his tone was when he spoke. 

"Like you aren't? Idiot." Haru muttered just as amused as Rin was. He sat up just enough to try and get his own shirt off. With Rin's help, it was soon greeting the floor and Rin was pushing Haru over and resting against his chest. He was just laying there for a moment. 

"Haru, I can hear your heart." He had his ear pressed against Haru's chest right in the exact spot where his heart was located. 

"You've been the cause of that for years." Haru said this without really thinking. He was in a way admitting aloud more than attraction but he at the same time denied that in his thinking. "I think right now, it is the anticipation of what we are doing." Was this statement a form of denial on the fact that Haru felt far more in this moment than he was ready to really deal with? Only Haru truly knew the answer to that. 

Rin moved to hover over Haru staring down at him with such an intense questioning gaze. Haru's breath increased because he could feel the lust in that look, the affection mixed with it at the same time. "You look so good, Haru." Rin leaned in slowly, eyes growing half lidded as he grew closer. "Haru. Haru. Haru." Rin muttered in such an affectionate way. 

Leaning up again, Haru ran his hands down Rin's bare back and over his ass squeezing it though his jeans as he pressed his body up against Rin. "Are you stalling or are we going to get on with this?"


	9. One Night?

"Stalling?" Rin huffed in such a way that it was clear there was no anger it in. "Haru, I've had to convince you almost the entire night." Rin leaned down to brush his nose over Haru's. "I'm not stalling. If anyone was stalling, it was you."

Haru knew that was probably so, but he couldn't help his doubts. Haru placed a palm against Rin's chest slowly pushing him away. "Get off me."

"Haru?" Rin's tone was a frustrated whine because to him it seemed like Haru was changing his mind for the millionth time. Except the way he had told Rin to move was gentle and so in a way Rin was simply confused for the moment. 

Haru stood, facing Rin and locking his gaze on him as he slowly unbutton his pants and let them slide to the floor. "You too. Rin."

"God, you made me think you wanted to stop!" Rin chuckled sounding a little annoyed as he laid back on the bed and messed with the button of his jeans. He slowly raised his hips as he awkwardly fumbled to get them off his body. 

"Wouldn't that be easier if you stood up?" Haru muttered with an amused tone as he watched Rin. 

"I'm not getting out of your bed!" Rin protested and Haru soon moved to pull at the leg of Rin's jeans to help him out of them. They were on Rin pretty tight so Haru gave them a firm yank, however it may have been a bit overestimated in the strength used because he was soon on his ass. 

"Ow." Haru softly chuckled at his own clumsiness, "Well at least they came off. "

"Come here." Rin chimed in with laughter of his own. "I thought I was going to be the one with a sore ass."

Fading laughter soon turned to intense gazes as Haru crawled back into bed, right between Rin's legs and hovered over him. "Rin." Haru had trouble ignoring a tug at his heart of just how at ease Rin was making him feel, even when he was a total klutz. 

Not that he was expecting any of this to be anywhere near perfect, though maybe in some ways it was but then again in other ways it was not. They were not doing this out of love or really any feelings. It was just sex. Just sex. Yet in the back of his mind, Haru knew it wasn't quite that simple.

Instead of going for Rin's lips, Haru was soon brushing his lips over Rin's neck and slowly licking, sucking and nipping at it. He breathed in Rin's scent and wished he could save it somehow, he wanted to remember it and cherish it. It was a part of Rin and Rin was special. 

He could hear Rin's breathing increase as the room grew quiet and soon he felt Rin's body arch pressing up against him. Rin was clearly hard. Haru gasped causing hot breath to ghost over Rin's skin and he could swear he saw goose bumps appear on it too. Haru pressed his hips firmly into Rin's and groaned because he could feel him more with only the thin layer of boxers. 

"Haru, Haru. Maybe you think that this is crazy. That I have lost my mind to seemingly want you out of what must seem like no where. But-" His breath was shaky as Haru continued the assault on his neck. "But I think it is because it is you. I mean not because you are male or female or anything but because you are Haru. I think this is why I am so curious to know what this is like. I-I really couldn't get it out of my head once I knew. I tried. I desperately tried to just think of you as a friend and tried to not wonder what all this would be like..." 

Rin was rambling on and on and his words did not go unnoticed by Haru, who was still kissing at Rin's neck and had left a few marks in his doing so. He knew Rin wasn't his but maybe a mark or two would at least make it so for this one night. For this night, Rin was his and his alone. 

Finally, Haru was back up to Rin's lips because kissing him was the politest way to get him to shut up and his words were making him seem nervous because of how much he was rambling. So Haru was also trying to calm him down in a way even though he himself was anything but calm. How could he be calm when he was getting what he had wanted for years? Having Rin almost naked in his bed and Rin saying he wanted him. It was almost too much to believe. But the way Rin kissed him back, it reassured him of just how real all of it was. Rin Matsuoka was really here. Like this. 

Haru slid his hands down Rin's sides as he kissed him in a way that was almost desperate and filled with all the longing, all the want he had held in for years. He played with the waistband of Rin's boxers, slowly working them down to his thighs as best as he could without breaking the kiss. 

But eventually he had to break it, as he did he locked eyes with Rin's. He had a small grin on his face as he heard a gasp leave Rin's lips. A gasp because Haru had gripped his bare cock and was slowly stroking in with a firm grasp. 

"Haru. Haru." Rin moaned as his head shot back against the mattress and his fingers dug into Haru's back. Haru could feel Rin's body aching up into his hand as he slowly stroked him and used the precum from the slit of his dick to make it slick and easier to stoke. "Haru...." He couldn't help but love the way Rin moaned out his name and he wanted to record it but he settle for saving it in his mind so that he could play it back at will. He would never forget the way it sounded. 

Even if this really was a one time thing for the both of them. One time. Was that really enough? Haru knew for him it was just a tease of what he really wanted of Rin. He wanted so much more, more than he was willing to admit. 

He could tell how bad Rin wanted to cum as he increase his speed and girth and watched as Rin was slowing coming undone below him. He'd never seen anything so sexy. His mind could never dream up something as sweet as this reality was turning out to be. Haru leaned in and kissed him hard as he felt him cum onto both of their stomachs and felt his body stiffen as he moaned out even louder than ever before. "Haru, god Haru...." 

"Rin, I hope you don't plan on getting any sleep." Haru stared at Rin, the look on his face completely, deadly serious. "Since this is just one night, I fully intend to try and get enough of you and so I need the entire night." Rin was staring, still softly panting, coming down from the high Haru had just given him. He looked sated but he also looked a little bewildered as he listened to Haru speak. He slowly nodded his head and smiled softly. His eyes seemed to light up. 

"I can take whatever you throw at me Haru." Rin smirked. "I have never backed down from a challenge with you and I am not about to start now. Especially not now." 

"Good." Haru rose from the bed and left the room without a word, leaving Rin a little dumbfounded till he returned with a warm washcloth and sat on the side of his bed. He slowly used it to clean the cum off of Rin and he had already cleaned himself up. 

"You need to stay in this bed with me, Haru." Rin whined and Haru just grinned at him. 

"You have no patience." He softly chuckled at Rin and set the towel aside as he picked up the lube. "You want me to get on with things that bad?" Haru flipped the cap of the lube open and closed repeatedly to the point that Rin grew annoyed. 

"Stop that. Yes. Get on with it. Please." The way he said please, Haru decided maybe he was playing around too much and he slowly drizzled his fingers with lube and sat between Rin's parted thighs and just stared for a minute before slowly dragging a finger over his hole. 

"Are you really sure about this Rin?" Haru questioned as he made slow circles and heard Rin's breathing increase softly. 

Rin's gaze was locked on Haru as he bit his lip, he looked a little hesitant or at least that was how Haru perceived that look on his face. 

"We can stop at any point. You don't have to go through with this if you have any doubts..." Haru was serious, no matter how bad he wanted Rin, if Rin ulitmately came to his senses, then Haru was prepared to back off. He still had heavy doubts about all of this in the back of his mind. It was hard to believe Rin really wanted to go though with it. 

But Rin had no intention of stopping or at least his words made that seem so. "No, Haru. That isn't happening." He had trouble speaking as Haru continued to tease the rim of his asshole. "I want you too much to stop." Haru could feel the sincerity in those words. 

He watched Rin's face as he finally slid a lone finger in and Rin hissed at the sudden intrusion. "It feels weird but not in a bad way." He mumbled as Haru could slowly feel his body relax around his finger as he gracefully moved it in and out of Rin's body. 

Just around his one finger, Rin's body felt tight like it was hugging him. He groaned at just the thought of such a feeling encasing his cock. "Rin." Haru mumbled in a soft moan as he felt his cock twitch in his boxers, he was eager but he couldn't rush this for either of them and the last thing he wanted was to hurt Rin by being careless. He slowly, carefully worked his way up to three fingers and Rin had hissed and gasped with each one but he seemed to slowly grow used to the feeling. 

"Are you sure? Do you really want me to-" Rin sat up awkwardly and covered Haru's mouth. 

"Stop questioning it? Would I-" He groaned as Haru was still working his fingers inside Rin. "let you do this to me if I didn't? Haru. Please relax and stop questioning any of this. It feels good, okay? It was strange at first but you- you are being so gentle and careful. I trust you Haru."

Haru slide his fingers out as he leaned forward and kissed Rin. Those words were what he needed to hear. He had been stressing about hurting Rin. Rin was far too precious for anyone to hurt, at least to Haru. But at the same time, Haru knew he wasn't exactly made of glass or some delicate flower and he seemed to like everything they had done so far. 

Haru stood, sliding his boxers off and tossing them alongside Rin's on the floor. He slowly turned, stroking his cock as he looked down at Rin on his bed. Rin laying with his legs apart and staring up at Haru. It was probably the sexiest thing he had ever seen, more so than anything previous thus far on this night. 

Haru almost asked if he was sure again but stopped himself. Rin seemed to be sick of his asking and Haru stopped for a moment to breathe. He crawled between Rin's legs and hovered over him, his heart racing in his chest more than even. He was so close to being the most intimate with Rin. 

And it was also Haru's first time doing anything like this with anyone. If it was not for the wonders of the internet, he may've been more clueless as to how to go about it but at his age he had seen enough porn and read enough about it to at least know the basics. 

Haru slowly ran his cock up and down the outside of Rin's hole and sighed. God he was so nervous to finally enter Rin. 

"Haru." Rin sighed softly, "Please. Stick it in." The way it was said was low, husky and sensual. It was also filled with what sounded like longing. So Haru finally pressed forward, gently. Just as he had been with his fingers. 

He could swear his heart jumped into his ears, or at least it sounded that way as he eased into Rin. He had never felt anything like this. It was so warm and tight and Haru thought he would lose it too soon. God, he didn't want it to be over before it started, so once he was all the way inside. He stalled so that he could get used to the feeling and so could Rin. 

"Haru. God, Haru, please move..." Rin legs were loosely hooked around Haru's hips and he was pressing his heals into Haru somewhat. Was that his impatience again? 

"I - Rin, it feels too good." Haru sighed as he slowly started to move and hoped he could last a least a little while. To distract himself, he leaned down and kissed Rin. Lacing their fingers of one hand with Rin's and wishing that this moment was not a one time thing more than ever before. 

Haru moved slowly, he would slide almost all the way out and then slowly drive back into Rin. He had to think of other things to maintain his control which was hard to manage with someone as sexy and responsive as Rin below him. The way Rin pushed back into him and the way he moaned his name and just the way he was so into the whole thing. This was more than just some meaningless fuck and deep down, both of them knew it. 

Haru knew he was in for a world of hurt and longing like he had never felt before. One night with Rin Matsuoka would never be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions? Reviews? Please comment if you want me to continue? Feedback motivates me more. What do you want to see happen? Tell me your views on this please. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [harubly](http://harubly.tumblr.com)


	10. Mistake

When he woke up the next morning, Rin was gone. He was no where in sight and frankly Haru was not the least bit surprised. He had had a hard time believing Rin could suddenly be gay after knowing that he was straight for so many years. So what was last night? A fluke? Just something to cure Rin's curiosity obviously or he would still be here. 

Haru sighed heavily. How was he ever going to forget any of this? He could tell already it made his longing worse. Never knowing this sweetness would have been better. 

Then he wouldn't know that look. The look Rin had when he lost all control and his body tumbled into the bliss of orgasm. The way he had bit his lower lip and the way he had said Haru's name in the middle of a low moan. 

Haru knew he would never be the same. He felt lonelier than ever before though and maybe he should let one of the stray cats that hung around his house become a permanent fixture indoors. It was better than the silent house. After having a noisy Rin around, the house was unbearably silent. A grim reminder that last night meant nothing to Rin. 

But it meant everything to Haru. It meant too much. When you long for someone for so long, he knew he was kidding himself to try and think of it as mere attraction. It was so much more than that but the fact that it was one sided and always had been.

And always would be...

Haru sighed, he was still laying in bed and he hadn't even bothered to get up and cook his usual breakfast. He didn't want to eat. He didn't feel like doing much of anything really. 

He had to let this go, once and for all. 

He glanced over at the clock. The day was gone or a good portion of it was. He bit his lip as his mind continued to race.

What if Rin had somewhere to be this morning? What if he was overreacting to him not being around? What if last night had been the biggest mistake he had ever made? 

Rin had said it was just sex but it had felt like so much more. It had felt like, like a connection that was meant to be. For Haru at least, it had been an intense roller coaster ride of emotions and he had never felt such a bond with anyone in his life. 

Maybe he was putting too much onto one night of sex. At least his first time felt special even if it was something fleeting and completely insane spur of the moment hormones on Rin's part. And maybe his too. 

He can't blame this all on Rin. He could've resisted. He could've said no but that was so hard. So hard when he had wanted that kind of intimacy from Rin for how long? It felt like forever. 

He had only been gone maybe ten to twelve hours and Haru missed him. His warmth. His laugh. The way he could smile with his eyes and the way it felt like he wore his heart on his sleeve. 

If only he wanted more from Haru than just this. This one moment. Haru sighed. He regretted it all but at the same time he knew he didn't regret it. It made no sense but since when did everything have to make sense? 

He felt a dull ache in his chest and he rose from his bed finally. Still naked from the night before. He could swear he still smelled Rin in his bed and it was not helping him to ever start to try and forget any of this. 

Haru stripped the sheets from his bed. Maybe washing away his scent would help wash away the memories of Rin's lips on his skin and Rin's breath and Rin's cries of pleasure. Haru shuddered at the memory, temporary closing his eyes and all he could see behind his lids was Rin. Rin and his perfect, sweet red eyes filled with desire for him. It was still overwhelming to know it had really happened. 

Maybe he should count it as some sort of freak blessing. At least he knew but he wanted to know more. Last night was a sweet tease of just how good they could be together. 

The emotions were high and the sex had been scorching at least in Haru's view not that he had anything else to judge it against. It was so hard to believe that it came down to nothing. That it was just a one night stand basically. 

Rin never did come back that day. Or call. Or text. Nothing. 

 

The next morning, Haru had to get back to reality. He couldn't mope about for the rest of his life anyway. He got a call early that morning from the advertising agency that he did freelance jobs for. They needed art for a new campaign and it conveniently took him out of Iwatobi for a while, granted it wasn't permanent but the breathing room was welcome and also having something as a nice distraction. Work. He could always bury himself in his jobs. 

He also managed to leave his phone behind without realizing it. He needed it for work so he bought a temporary one till he got back and he assumed his friends would be fine, it wasn't like any of them were in constant contact now a days anyway. They all had work. Why had he looked forward to being ordinary so much when he was young?

What Haru wouldn't give to go back to that time in his life. Things were more carefree and swimming was always something he could immerse himself in and just forget the world. Forget his stupid crush on Rin. 

The week went by, the Tokyo Bay was nice. Haru sat with a view of it as he drew. Living in a hotel all week had been okay. There was free food included since he was working and there was a pool. 

Haru sighed. Pools reminded him of Rin. Watching him glide though the water had always been a sight to see, especially when it was while he was at Haru's side. He'd always felt some strange force pushing him to give it his all anytime Rin challenged him. It was part of why he was so damn drawn to Rin. 

Haru sighed again, he did that far too often as of late. Rin's smile when he won a race. The way he splashed at the water and then ran to hug Haru in a tight embrace and the way Haru had felt his breath far too close to his ear when he spoke. Stupid in the way it still sent chills up his back. Especially when he recalled how soft those lips from that smiling face had felt against his own. Better than he thought and softer than he could've imagined. 

"Beautiful view isn't it?" His coworker muttered and was soon looking over his shoulder. Haru looked down at his drawing and wondered how he had managed to accomplish anything when his mind kept wandering off. 

Forget Rin? Who was he kidding? Who could ever forget Rin? Haru gave his coworker a halfhearted smile. "Yeah." It really was but it also somehow reminded him of Rin because he had stood with him in a spot in Australia that he found similar in some ways even if it wasn't precise. 

And as the sun was going down and lite the sky up with so many colors, it reminded him more so. It reminded him that Rin had been gone until recently because he had chose to go back to Australia for college and he had stayed for the full four years of it. He had visited his family on holidays but for some reason during that time they had hardly spoke. 

It wasn't painful like when he had been in middle school and hurt Rin and had felt for the longest time that it was partly his fault that Rin said he would quit swimming. So much so that Haru had stopped as well but he was older now and he knew he shouldn't let things get to him that much. 

He missed Rin during his time away. He missed Rin now and it had only been a week. Haru knew that the distance was more than likely needed if he was supposed to go back to a time when he had never touched Rin. 

Pretend like he didn't know what his body knew all too well and longed for more than ever. A shiver ran down his spine and he had to blame it on the cool breeze. 

But who was he kidding really? He wanted Rin and he would always want Rin. Time. Distance. None of that had stopped his feelings before so how was it any different now? 

He could do this. He could get on with his life just fine. It was just one night. It was just one mistake among many others and everybody makes mistakes. 

But thinking of Rin Matsuoka as a mistake was a bit hard to comprehend. But it was what it was. Haru put his sketchpad away and headed back to his hotel room. Maybe a swim could relax him and calm his heart. Since he could never get lost in Rin, he would have to settle for this. 

 

As he floated along the water, Haru stared up at the glass ceiling. It was somewhat like Rin's old school only the pool was smaller. Why did everything come back to Rin? Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on lighter things like when he was young. Like how the water used to make him feel so alive but maybe he was too old for something like that anymore. 

Because it wasn't the same. He lingered regardless because it was relaxing even if it wasn't as distracting from memories of Rin like he wished it would be. 

He really had left with too many questions unanswered. But did he even have a right to question Rin when they knew, or rather when he knew from the start that it was just..

It was just a way for Rin to sew the seam of his curiosity. He knew what it was like now so all was said and all was done. Now, if only all could be forgotten. 

He kept dwelling on it. Haru climbed from the pool and as he dried himself and made his way back to his room, he knew something would have to give but he wondered if it would or if things would stay at a standstill. 

He knew he was being stupid and he was putting too much into this. As Rin had said, it was just sex. Now if only he could convince his heart with what his head knew and if only he could make his body stop remembering. 

His touch. His smell. Everything. 

They were just friends and for one night they had been basically friends with benefits. Sweet benefits. Friends was better than nothing. 

And maybe knowing how his kiss felt was better than wondering. Even if it was a sad. almost pathetic feeling on Haru's part. God, he wanted to kiss him again so bad. 

 

Arriving back in Iwatobi, Haru felt restless and worn. Work had not been quite as distracting as he had hoped and it had been before that night. It had distracted him from his feelings for Rin and helped him deal. 

It had been why he at one point had thought he was over all this. Till the moment Rin had reentered his life. There had to be a way to just forget. As his eyes traced his kitchen they landed on one thing that might do the trick, a bottle of Sake.


	11. Foolish Heart

The Sake was a tempting idea but Haru didn't give in to it and it was brushed to the back of his mind. He sat on his couch, fresh from the shower and trying to watch television and trying to relax. 

He noticed his phone on the table and picked it up to see if there was any contact from his friends. From Rin. However sitting there for a week, it had died so he had to rise and put it on the charger. 

Sighing, Haru brushed a hand through his hair as he headed into the kitchen for a bottle of water. His throat felt parched and he didn't understand why but the cool liquid hitting him gave him a sense of comfort. 

Standing there in his sweatpants and t-shirt, Haru stared at the fridge and recalled Rin pinning him against it. He had been so close and he had smelled so good and he had been so insistent and his lips. Haru will never forget that first kiss and how his heart had jumped into his throat and how much he had wanted it to happen. 

He had always felt heat when Rin was that close. Even back in high school when he was angry and had pinned him to the fence but then again that was all together different because Rin had not been trying to convince Haru to sleep with him back then. 

Haru couldn't bring himself to feel any kind of anger towards Rin. He was male and he had been curious, curious as hell. There was no way Haru would've been able to resist even though he had tried to. He knew no good would come from it. Well that wasn't entirely true. 

Haru jumped spilling his water down the front of his shirt as he realized someone was tapping on his front door rather insistently. Was it Rin? God, he was pathetic with how much he wanted it to be him on the other side of that door. 

But it turned out to be Makoto and maybe that was a good thing. Maybe he could talk about it. 

"Where have you been?" He sounded concerned like Haru has disappeared off the face of the earth. "You usually tell someone when you leave."

"It was a last minute business trip." Haru muttered sounding as if he didn't care about anything as usual. Sounding as if everything was fine but of course, this was Makoto and he knew better.

"What is wrong?"

"Nothing." Everything. Okay maybe he wasn't ready to talk about it after all. Something so intimate was private. It was just between him and Rin. It was just sex. Just sex. Why did he have to keep making a big deal out of it?

"You sure?" Makoto said, raising a brow but also somehow sensing that Haru didn't want to actually go there. "Haru?"

"Yes. Don't worry, I am a grown man. I will be fine. I'm just fine." 

Makoto just looked at him for a minute and seemed to decide to just drop it and let Haru be. "Well listen, there is a reason I came. We are getting together tomorrow night. Everyone will be there."

Haru nodded, he could use the distraction of his friends. "Where at?"

"Nagisa's. His wife is out of town and so we are having a guy's night." 

Haru had a very faint smile, parties were always at his lively friend's house. Always laid back and the life of the party. Maybe being around his friends especially his hyper friend would distract him and cheer him up. 

"See you then."

"Yeah and Haru, try to take it easy?" Was it really so obvious? Then again, this was Makoto and sometimes he could read Haru's mood rather well. He had backed off a little over the years as they had matured with time but he was still, he still almost always knew when something was amiss. 

 

Going a bit stir crazy just sitting at home the next day, Haru opted to arrive early to Nagisa's and ended up helping with the food. 

"Haru-chan, you always were the best cook." Nagisa mumbled through a mouth that was full of what he kept saying was his taste testing but Haru knew better and chuckled softly. Nagisa had always loved to eat, especially sweets. He really did feel some of his tension leave his body and for that he was grateful.

Friends arrived slowly one by one, this time Rei had made it and so had Makoto but no Rin. Maybe that was for the best because Haru wasn't sure if or how he might deal with seeing him. 

They ended up playing cards, Nagisa loved to place bets and Haru had lost some money but he was having a nice time. For once he was actually not thinking about Rin. 

"Where is Rin-chan?" Nagisa said as he looked over at the clock. "Is he not coming?"

Makoto raised his head and followed Nagisa's eyes to the clock as well. "He had to work so he will be here in a while." 

All the air was being sucked from the room. For some reason, Rin coming had not dawned on Haru. Maybe because before when he had been gone, it had just been the four of them hanging out for years. Haru looked at the door and felt heat rise in his neck. 

He wanted to see him but at the same time, he wasn't ready. Haru rose and left the room to retrieve more snacks. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and tossed his head back because he had that same dry feeling in his throat. 

The doorbell rang, Nagisa cheerfully pounced across the floor and opened it, soon pulling Rin into a hug as if he had not seen him in ages. "You came, Rin-chan." Rin chuckled softly and ruffled Nagisa's hair as his eyes scanned the room. Haru stood in the doorway of the kitchen, drinking in the view of Rin and closing his eyes for a moment. Swallowing hard before getting his body to move back into the room. 

Their eyes met, the look in Rin's was strangely unreadable but he had stopped his soft laughter at the sight of Haru and he was biting his lower lip. 

Haru had to look away because he felt a shiver from seeing that and he did not want to think about that night when he was surrounded by his friends. 

Pretend. Breathe. Everything is fine. Haru sat between Nagisa and Rei while Rin ended up across from him at the small card table. 

Even that was a bit too close, Haru took a hug gulp of water as he felt a heat surge up his collar. How could be feel desire at a time like this? It was insane. 

"What are you guys up to?" Rin muttered as he gazed in Nagisa's direction. 

"Cards. Bets. Ready to lose, Rin-chan?" Nagisa seemed to be on some natural high because lady luck was with him and had been all evening so far. He had won the majority of the rounds and that was probably why he had such confidence. Not that he was ever really much of any sort of chicken. He was always the first to do crazy things like skinny dipping or dancing on a table if he was drunk. Always had been the life of the party, especially during his college days. 

Rin chuckled softly again, as his eyes moved to Haru and he was biting his lip again. "I never back down from a challenge."

Nagisa slapped Rin on the back before he sat down and muttered excitedly. "Same ole Rin-chan!"

Rin was rubbing his back and soon the games continued. During which, Haru and Rin kept locking eyes from time to time and every single time Haru thought he was going crazy. He could swear Rin was looking at him like he wanted to devour him but he also had other things briefly fly acorss his face that were what looked like confusion.

Haru inwardly grew a little irritated. First at himself for letting it get to him. Letting his mind wander off and hope for things to happen again. He had never felt such annoying tension and he hated how vulnerable and pathetic it was making him feel. 

He didn't dare leave the room, at least not on his own. He didn't want to take a chance of being alone with Rin. Too much risk involved. Too much idiocy on his own part. One minute he wanted to confront Rin. One minute he wanted to kiss him and another he wanted to just leave. 

This was fucking crazy and how was he supposed to go on being friends with a man that he wanted to touch so bad. If his body remembered when he was alone, it was worse when Rin was so close. So close but yet so far. Yet again. 

Just like high school but ten times worse. 

Haru kept chugging his water as if that really helped, okay it did a little. But it was soon empty and his need to distract himself from Rin caused him to forget his need to avoid him as he rose to get another drink from the fridge. 

Rin followed him as if on queue, or at least it felt far too convenient that he chose to get up at the exact same time. Haru turned to leave the small kitchen and froze as his blue eyes locked on Rin's. He cleared his throat and acted as normal as he could. He couldn't do what he wanted which was to pin Rin against the damn fridge like he had done to Haru and ravish his damn mouth. 

Clearing his throat, Haru needed to pass Rin but was a little stuck in place by the heat he could swear he felt coming from those eyes as Rin so obviously gave him a once over. 

"I need a drink." Rin muttered and passed right by Haru like it was nothing. Like that had not touched in the most intimate way that not long ago. Haru felt frustration course throat his body and wondered if the heat was one sided. He was such an idiot. Rin had made it clear that it was one time. That, that he was merely curious. 

Haru returned to the room, swallowing as he sat down and focusing more on the conversation at hand. His heart wasn't in it but it was better than dwelling on his meaningless one night stand with Rin.

Clearly meaningless to Rin anyway. 

Makoto started talking about the baby that was on the way. He sounded so happy, so excited and it was a welcome distraction and a nice lighthearted, sweet topic.

"Have you picked out a name?" Haru asked to join in on the conversation and ignore how his heart was beating in his chest far too harshly. His chest ached. 

"Well," Makoto smiled fondly. "I am leaving that up to her actually, I mean she is doing the hard part." Makoto had almost passed out with worry when his son was born. Watching his wife had caused him stress and it was not an easy delivery from what his best friend had told him. "Things are going better this time around." Haru could heard the joy and ease in his tone as he spoke fondly of his family. 

Haru wanted something like that someday, someday when he moved past his feelings for Rin. It was stupid really to pine away on a straight man for so many years. 

Rin reentered the room while Makoto was speaking and he pat him on the back. "Did I ever tell you congratulations? Man, being a dad must be the best. I want a little tyke some day." 

Haru looked at him, but Rin was not looking at him. No, he was smiling at Makoto and Haru swallowed. There it was, one more reason that Rin would never be the one. 

It was stupid to feel that way but hell, the whole situation made him feel like an idiot. 

"I think I'm going to go now." Haru muttered as he headed to the door, putting his shoes on calmly but somehow not being able to get away fast enough. Nagisa didn't live too far so he just walked home. It was a good way to clear his head anyway but he wasn't paying attention and somehow ended up at his old school. 

The old cherry blossom tree was still there. It was actually in full bloom and Haru smiled softly at it. It was as beautiful as Rin's irritating smile and Haru sighed as he felt one land in his hair. 

He would be okay. He could last just like this tree. He could be strong and he could do this. He could get over Rin Matsuoka. 

Once and for all.


	12. What is this even?

He basically ended up getting home a lot later thanks to his unplanned detour to his old elementary. It gave him time to think and a part of him thought maybe he was thinking too much about everything. 

In a way, he knew he was making too much out of it. Rin was right, it was just sex. It didn't have to be so important and if he could relax and take it a little lighter, Haru knew he would feel more at peace with himself. 

Plus, he could be in the same room with Rin without losing the ability to breathe. What was up with that anyway? He had been filled with so much lust when he looked at Rin tonight and he could swear Rin had been eye-fucking him right back. 

Or yet again, he was losing his mind. He was possibly reading too much into it. His body had felt it, that was for damn sure. 

Haru sighed. If only there was some way to get this Rin addiction out of his system. One night. He knew all along for him that one night was not enough. As he pictured the look Rin had given him, he had to wonder if there was a part of Rin that felt the same way. 

It didn't have to mean forever but how do you even bring up such a thing and really why was he even thinking it?

 

When he arrived home, he in a way had hoped Rin would be standing there. But he wasn't. He had to wonder if his friends were still playing cards or if Nagisa had done anything off the wall. Then again, he wasn't drinking so maybe not.

It would be nice to have a normal conversation with Rin, Haru was soon realizing that had not happened at the party and things had been awkward when he was momentarily alone with his friend. Was Rin mad for some reason? Was he as confused as Haru? What the hell was going on in that head of his? Haru really wanted to know but he also didn't want to pry and was a little afraid to go there. 

Before he knew it, he had been home for a good few hours. Playing his favorite video game to pass time because he was far too awake to get a lick of sleep at the moment. He was soon surprised as there was what sounded like a faint tapping on his door. It sounded like a knock but it also was so faint that it could perhaps be mistaken for one of those noises an old house makes. 

Regardless of which, he opened the door to see if he was hearing things or if someone was actually there. To his mild astonishment, Rin was at his door in the flesh. He looked a little troubled. 

"I uh, just wanted to see if you were okay." He was doing that thing, that thing where he rubs the back of his damn neck. Haru bit his lip as he watched it. 

"Yeah, why?" Do you actually even care? Haru had to wonder and then he mentally slapped himself because here he was like some girl making more out of it than it needed to be. 

Haru continued to bite his lip as his eyes took in the sight of the lips that he missed kissing. He almost got lost in thought of wishing he could kiss him again and feeling the ghost of what it had felt like against his lips. He inwardly groaned in frustration. Why could he now seem to not be around Rin and keep his mind from things of a physical nature. 

He snapped out of it, but only a little as his eyes met Rin's beautiful crimson gaze. "I was just worried. Makoto seemed to think that you were not doing so good and so..." Rin sighed. "I had to make sure."

Haru didn't reply and was mildly flattered by the gesture because it showed that Rin did care even if it was only as a friend. He cared. He had always cared. 

Haru felt like a shit for thinking ill of Rin and well, thinking far too much when it boils down to it. Feelings fucking sucked. Feelings seemed to so easily get out of hand that it was...

Whatever it was, Haru pushed it aside for the moment as he noticed a shift in the way Rin was looking at him. He looked a little hazy and his eyes grew a little darker than normal. He knew this look, he had had this type of look that night. 

"You want to come in?" Haru muttered softly. He wanted to say more but he wasn't sure what to say really. He might say the wrong thing with all the shit that had raced through his mind lately. 

 

Rin nodded oddly quiet as he made his way past Haru and into his living room where he sat down and was soon staring at the television. Haru turned his attention to it but it was merely some stupid infomercial. This was a little awkward not knowing what to say to each other and it was more so because Rin was usually such a talker. 

"You want anything?" Haru asked meaning water or something of that nature. He tended to try to be hospitable and it was better than the odd quiet. 

"Water is fine." Haru needed water as well, it was that dry feeling in his throat again He pulled at his collar as he took his time getting the water, trying to think of something to talk about. 

When he turned, Rin was there. Rin was in his space and he was looking at Haru with that damn curious stare again. Haru's heart picked up as he managed to sit the water down on the counter before turning to face Rin. Rin, who was still all up in his space as if he didn't know what the meaning of personal space really was. 

That look, Haru felt like Rin was contemplating something as he stared at him so intently that it was almost too much to take. He told himself inwardly that he was a man and he could handle this. 

Before he really understood a thing, Rin was reaching out and cupping his face tenderly. And he had still not said a damn thing. He was running his finger over Haru's face and his eyes fell to Haru's lips or at least it felt like that was what he was staring at. It became more obvious as his fingers were soon tracing them. Haru felt his breath hitch in the back of his throat. 

Was this his affectionate side in overdrive mixed with a want to kiss Haru again? Haru could feel his heart pick up and his breathing turned into a soft, quiet pant. He was anticipating something and he wondered what the hell Rin would do next. 

"Why did you leave?" Haru muttered softly and red eyes shot up and looked at him confused. 

"I had to work." Haru could not remember if that detail had ever been told to him or not but that didn't explain why nothing else had happened the entire day. 

"And why did you not come back when it was over?" Haru felt a nervous calm as he explored Rin's eyes with his own. 

"Why all the questions? Haru." Rin sounded just a little irritated and his eyes were less tender. "It was one night. Isn't that what we agreed on?"

Okay, so it was stupid to want to know where Rin was or why he had not contacted him but still. Isn't that a common courtesty or something when you share something so damn intimate? Haru frowned at Rin as he thought this but then he sighed because he was doing it again. He was thinking too fucking much again. 

"Besides Haru, I left messages and I text after that day but you didn't reply to any of it. So...so I thought you wanted to never speak of it again!"

Shit, Haru realized that he never did check his damn phone but he had never been one for using it much and most of his friends were used to that. Rin was in the old days. "I haven't checked it."

"Then don't get upset with me for not contracting you after when you did the same thing. Haru." 

"Why are you so upset when you were the one who wanted only one night Rin?" Haru questioned, raising his own voice a little and getting in Rin's face. 

Rin responded by pushing him into the counter with his body and getting in so close that Haru could feel his breath against his lips. "Because it wasn't enough, Haru."

"And you think it was for me?" Haru questioned. "You think I can forget what it was like? It is practically all I can think about."

"Well when I didn't hear from you. I, I thought I was going to go crazy Haru. I still want to-" The look in his eyes, they were half lidded and his voice had gone low and sexy in tone.

"Want to what?" Haru raised a brow, now he was deathly curious. Especially after the way Rin's face and voice had switched again. 

"I want you. Like that. Again." Rin breathed leaning in so close that his lips were brushing over Haru's when he spoke.

"Maybe." Haru sighed as he bit his lip and his heart was going to jump out of his chest with Rin so close and with knowing that he wanted, he wanted to again. "Maybe I do too. I need to get you out of my system." Haru brushed his own lips against Rin's as he gave his response. 

And that was when Rin kissed him and pressed his body so close that Haru could feel the counter digging into his backside. No room for anything between them. Rin's lips soon parting and Haru licked the inside of his mouth before thrusting his tongue in and there was nothing sweet about this kiss. This kiss was more heated as if they had both were water in a pot that had been simmering and it was now boiling over. 

Fuck. 

Haru didn't know what to call this, if he could call it anything. Not that he had an ounce of time to think as Rin surprised him by picking him up and literally sitting him on his own damn kitchen counter. And he did so without breaking the kiss. Haru moaned softly and felt his cock twitch in his sweatpants. 

Rin pressed against him and Haru could feel him through his tight jeans. He was hard and Haru was no different. God. They have to both be idiots if they have both been thinking about this nonstop. 

Haru felt more at ease. The only thought crossing his mind was probably more foolishness but if he could really get Rin out of his system somehow. Maybe, maybe this was the ticket to stop thinking of him in ways that he probably shouldn't. Especially if Rin wanted to find a girl to settle down with and have kids some day or whatever. Haru frowned at that thought and was soon focusing more on what was happening to his body as his mind slowly went blank. 

Rin was grinding into him but he also seemed frustrated and he was soon pulling away from the kiss but he didn't stop his grinding as he spoke in such a sexy, downright lewd tone of voice. "Haru."

Haru's eyes turned almost black with desire as he groped Rin through his jeans before fumbling with them because they were in his way. He wanted to feel Rin closer. He wanted the intimacy of skin on skin contact. 

He bit Rin's lips, dragging the lower one between his teeth before kissing him harshly as he finally freed his cock from the front of his boxers and was soon pulling his own from his sweatpants. 

And then Rin ground his bare cock against Haru's and Haru sighed in a frustrated relief as he used the precum from the slit of Rin's cock to smear it down and use to make it slick. God, that felt so much better as Rin did the same with his. Their bare cocks grinding together had to be one of the best things Haru had ever felt. It was so hard and yet the skin was soft to the touch. 

He groaned at the feel of Rin gripping him with his strong calloused yet somehow strangely still soft hands. Rin was no longer kissing him but instead leaning into him and he felt his hot breath as he licked the tip of Haru's ear. "God, Rin. Want you. Want this." 

Rin chuckled in a devilish way and he nipped at Haru's ear as he spoke. "You ever going to let me fuck you Haru?" Haru's breath hitched again but more than ever before. 

"Yes." Haru breathed out, barely able to speak because the way Rin had said that was just so damn...sexy. God. He had no idea Rin was thinking that but then again, Haru had been thinking of fucking Rin for how long now? It was only fair to be willing to do the same in return. Plus, he was getting a little addicted to this already. 

They both came eventually and Haru grabbed the back of Rin's hair and pulled him into another heated kiss just as it was happening. 

He never felt so sated in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, please tell me what you think. Also about Rin POV, that is not going to happen in this fic because I am writing this purely from Haru's POV. We will find out about Rin because he talks a lot. XD


	13. Gay For You

As Haru's heart slowly calmed, he gazed at Rin with eyes that were still half-lidded and Rin was pretty much looking at him the same way. Nothing was said for a few moments as they just seemed a bit mesmerized by each other. 

Haru reached out grabbing the back of Rin's neck and pulled him into another kiss. It was somewhere between sweet and heated and when he pulled away, he had a very faint smile on his face, almost unnoticeable. "Shower?" 

Rin only nodded, he had a sexy smile on his face and he looked at Haru in a way that made him have to look away for a moment because his heart betrayed him and skipped way too many beats. Why does Rin have to be so damn charming?

Straightening his pants and Rin's, Haru gave Rin a quick peck on the lips and let out a soft sigh as he felt more relief hit him. Things would be okay for now.

Jumping down from the counter that he would probably never look at in the same way again, Haru laced his fingers with Rin's and headed towards his bathroom and once inside he adjusted the shower and lost his clothes in record time like usual. 

Rin chuckled at him and Haru raised his eyebrow at him as if to say 'What?' without actually saying a thing. "I see you still take your clothes off faster than anyone else."

"Shut up." Haru muttered as he adjusted the water to a tolerable temperature. He took Rin's hand again and pulled him under the water, thrusting his tongue between those flushed soft lips that he seemed to be getting an addiction to.

The way Rin responded was encouraging, Haru ran his hands up into Rin's hair as he backed him into the tile gently and took his sweet time, he wanted to taste Rin. He sighed into the kiss as he realized just how much he had missed and longed for this. Just kissing him felt so right and that scared the hell out of Haru. Opting to not think, his kiss became a little more demanding and he soon heard small moans coming from Rin. God how he loved that sound. 

Clearly it was going to take quite a bit to get Rin out of his system. 

Lain in his bed, curled up in Rin's arms, there was a strange quiet as if they were both afraid to speak and break the bubble of whatever it was causing this. Like it was a delicate balance or something ridiculous like that and Haru even though he usually relished silence, as of late he had missed this noisy idiot and the way he tended to intrude in Haru's life in the best way. 

"So what kind of job did you end up with?" Haru asked because that day Rin had said he had work the next morning. So Haru wondered why he hadn't called after or come over. Yes, that was still nagging him a little in the back of his mind. 

"Waiter. I'm sorry for not calling the next day after... Anyway, I had to work a double because one of the girls on the night shift called in and we were slammed." Rin grinned at Haru and kissed his cheek. "I made better tips that day because I was in such a good mood. I kept thinking about it. I was tired though and when I got home and showered, afterwards I just passed out. I had meant to call."

"I'm sorry too. I left my phone behind while I was in Tokyo." Haru sighed at how idiotic he had been, stressing over something that turned out to be jumping to conclusions on his part. 

"I-I felt stupid worrying." Rin spoke softly. "I really thought you were shutting me out and that maybe I should've backed off that night. I mean it did take a hell of a lot to convince you."

"We're good now. That is all that matters." Haru voiced in a low tone that matched Rin's. Feeling at ease and exhausted, Haru fell asleep in Rin's arms and he felt a little scared because he knew there was no place he would rather be. 

In the morning, Rin wasn't beside him but his clothes were and there was a note this time. 

'Went for a run.' He still did that? Of course, Haru should know that because his body was still just as perfect as it had been in high school. 

Breakfast was ready just as Rin came back into the door, he had borrowed some of Haru's shorts and a t-shirt to run in. His skin was glowing, Haru could see beads of sweat all over him and he took his bottle of water and took a long slow drink. Rin was in his space by the time he finished. "Share." He demanded softly.

Watching his throat move and his adam's apple bob up and down as he drank, Haru bit his lip. Rin had always looked good after a run and knowing he could touch him now was tempting. The shirt was white and positively soaked, it made it turn sheer and hug Rin's muscles. Rin must've been uncomfortable being so hot because he was soon peeling the shirt off of his body and throwing it over his shoulder as he grinned. 

"What smells so good?"

"Breakfast." Haru muttered as if it wasn't obvious. However he had made a traditional Japanese breakfast that was lacking his usual menu of mackerel and maybe that was why Rin seemed to act like a chipper little kid.

"Good, I'm starving." Haru bit his lip as his eyes were still drinking Rin in, like he was the ocean at the end of a long desert and Haru had not drank for years. Rin tilted his head and chuckled. "Haru?"

Haru didn't respond for a moment as he watched a bead of sweat make its way down Rin's neck to his chest and he moved his tongue over his bottom lip as thoughts of running it over Rin's bare sweaty skin would not leave his mind. 

"Haru?" His eyes finally landed on Rin's and he noticed that sexy confident, all-knowing smirk. "Are you going to eat the food or me?" He chuckled before sitting in a kitchen chair and looking at the food. 

Haru came up behind Rin and leaned into his ear, he ran his tongue over it barely and felt Rin's body shiver below him. Finally he couldn't resist any longer and he ran his tongue along another bead of sweat at the base of Rin's neck. "Salty." 

He could see a slight tent of red on Rin as he pulled away. "Stop that before I drag you back to your room." Rin whispered in a husky tone. Haru was tempted to take that as a form of a challenge but he relented to at least let the sexy idiot eat first. 

Sitting across from Rin, Haru had never been more aware of another person. He had a constant need to be on Rin and in a way he felt at ease while other parts of him were a bit alarmed at how strong of a pull it seemed to be. 

"How long are you staying?" Haru asked between bites as he managed to barely keep calm because Rin was still shirtless and still sweaty. 

"Depends." Rin was teasing, Haru could tell by the way his voice was laced with mischief and his tone was still far too husky.

"On what?" Haru raised a brow, wondering what kind of trouble Rin was about to cause him. He bit his lip as his eyes traced over Rin in a rather shameless, subtle way. 

"Remember what I asked you last night?"

"No." Haru lied, pretending as if he could care less. 

Rin scoffed. "Asshole."

"What does that have to do with you staying? Are you going to leave if I'm not ready?" Haru had answered Rin on a whim last night, plus it was the heat of the moment and the way Rin had asked him was enough to make his blood boil over. 

"I did it for you." Rin whined slightly and sounded a little hurt, Haru knew it was only fair and he wanted to be with Rin again. He had been teasing but maybe he had taken it too far. 

"I'll do it." Haru's tone was soft, serious and a little concerned. Rin looked up and grinned. God, he was too easy to give in to that smile but then again who was he kidding, he wanted to. He wanted to try everything with Rin. Wasn't that the only way to really get it out of his system once and for all? 

Taking his plate to the sink, Rin was rinsing it off as Haru admired his firm backside. The way it was glistening under the light made it hard for Haru to finish his plate as he was soon behind Rin and running his tongue along yet another bead of sweat. "Stop that I need a shower, Haru." Rin fussed but also sounded a little breathy. 

"Stay like this." Haru insisted as he bit into the back of Rin's neck and gently grazed his teeth over the skin. As he pulled back to observe his handy work, Haru smirked and felt a bit satisfied like he was marking what was his. (Even if it was only temporarily his.)

Rin groaned. "Are you trying to start something in the kitchen again?" Rin chuckled. 

"Oh, I was thinking I want you in every room at least once. Maybe even out on the back porch."

Rin sighed and chuckled softly again, sounding a little nervous. "That much huh? Guess it might take a while to get you out of my system too." Rin turned and pulled Haru into a hug and the smell of his sweat and whatever else this was. All Rin. He sighed as he thought silly things like he wished there was a way to drench his sheets in this scent. "Why doesn't your air conditioning work anyway?" Rin switched to a slight complaint. 

"I just never bothered getting it fixed when it busted last summer." 

Scoffing and raising a brow, Rin pulled out of the hug and shook his head. "Was it too much of a pain?"

"Not really, I usually just take a bath or shower if I get too hot and there is a fan in my room and we can always open the windows." 

"I need a shower." Rin started to leave the room but Haru grabbed his arm before he could go. 

"I want you, just like this."

Rin stared at Haru. "But I'm all sweaty and I smell bad."

"No, no you don't." Haru pushed Rin up against the table and leaned into him as he took a whiff of Rin by running his nose over the slick skin. "I want to drowned in you." Haru purred and he could feel Rin shiver under his touch again. 

"Pervert." Rin teased. 

Haru shrugged, "And?"

"Not complaining." Rin chuckled as he raised his hands up slightly in surrender. "So what do you have in mind?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is love. <3 *coughhinthintcough* Thank you for all the comments I have gotten so far. That is what motivates me and keeps me going. :D


	14. Floating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexy times.

"Cold.." Rin hissed as Haru slid a lone piece of ice over his bare, sweaty chest. "Geez Haru." He sounded half annoyed and half turned on if Haru was reading his reaction right. "What are you doing to me?"

Haru didn't answer him because he was too distracted watching a stream of water from the ice make it's way down Rin's chiseled stomach and disappear at the hem of his shorts. 

Shorts that appeared far too tight in a certain area at the moment as Rin continued to hiss. Haru had a small smirk on his face and his eyes were laced in desire. He wanted Rin. And soon.

Running the ice between Rin's pecks, Haru noticed a new line of water trickling down and this time, he met it with a warm tongue and it seemed to bring a groan up in Rin's throat. "God, Haru..." One of the things Haru was finding he loved about this side of Rin was how vocal he could be and that only encouraged Haru to keep up his assault. "Damn tease..." Rin didn't sound like he was complaining. 

As he guided the ice over Rin's now perky nipple, he got an even louder hiss out of him followed by a low frustrated groan. Haru traced his free hand over the front of Rin's shorts, groping him and earning a slightly louder moan out of the redhead. Haru ran the ice over his other nipple and followed it with his lips and he felt Rin arch into his touch. "Haru....God."

He leaned up and pulled his head back to look at Haru, as his eyebrows furrowed. "Is this part of your water kink?" Rin growled but yet he made no move to stop anything Haru was doing and the frustrated moan he made was so worth it. 

Not bothering to answer that, Haru lowered the ice cube which was growing smaller by the minute. He ran it down Rin's chest and over his perfect abs and once again used his tongue on a stream of water but this time it had gotten almost all the way to the V of Rin's hips and Haru caught it before it had a chance to disappear into his shorts. He traced it all the way back up Rin's chest and then kissed him rather forcefully which Rin reciprocated with an equal amount of sweet sensual aggression.

The ice dropped to the floor as Haru forgot about it and had his hands laced up into Rin's hair as he pressed his body firmly into Rin's. He could tell his little game had excited Rin if judging by how he seemed even harder now was any indication. He seemed painfully hard and he was panting as Haru claimed those sweet, pouty lips and delve his tongue into Rin's wet, hot mouth.

The way Rin was kissing him back equaled Haru's impassioned invasion and one of his finger's was soon playing with the hem of Haru's pants. Haru pulled away with half lidded eyes and just gazed into Rin's that were just as filled with heat, desire that was getting out of hand far too easily. 

"Haru, let me go take a shower and then-" Haru covered Rin's mouth with a lone finger. 

"No shower." He wanted to feel, the hot sweaty slick skin against his own. "I want you just like this. Now." 

Rin's eyes widened just a little but as Haru placed small kisses over his lips, he groaned and lost the nerve to protest or maybe Haru was just convincing. Very convincing and Rin didn't really want to postpone the inevitable anyway.

"Fine." Rin muttered and was soon chuckling as he returned Haru's kisses with little pecks of his own. "Haru." He spoke softly and it almost sounded like he was afraid to finish saying something. 

"What?" Haru asked as he kissed Rin with a little more intent than before. "Tell me." 

Rin sighed, "Can we? I mean you know, can I with you?" Haru pulled back and looked at Rin, wondering what he was trying to say but then he recalled how blunt he had asked before. It was charming in a way that at the moment, he seemed so nervous to ask. 

"It is your turn, so yes." Haru replied without missing a beat and found he was growing more okay with the idea than he may have been at first. He knew Rin would be gentle. 

Rin chuckled softly, sounded amused and nervous all at the same time. "So we are taking turns now?"

"Well, yes. I mean I think it may take a lot to get you out of my system." _Just this much and I have a feeling I may never get enough though...._

Rin kissed his way down Haru's jawline to his neck and sighed, it was some sort of relief on his part. Haru found it a little cute and then he wondered how Rin would react to being called cute? Somehow he wasn't sure whether that would go down well or not. "Haru, we should go up to your room."

Haru groaned, "Yes." He intertwined his fingers with Rin and slowly made his way towards the stairs, his thumb rubbing across the top of Rin's hand. Still surprised at just how soft it felt against his own. 

 

Once inside the room, Rin had him pressed into his door and assaulting his neck with an onslaught of kisses. "You are a tease...." Rin hissed against Haru's skin with his hot breath ghosting across where he'd just been kissing. 

Haru arched his neck, hitting his head against the door but not really caring. "Well if this is the result...it was so worth it." His voice was filled with a harmless form of malice, that had been partly why he had done it and also he had also always wanted to drag ice over Rin's hot sweaty skin. 

Rin's skin. He could smell it, Rin smelled rather salty and musky because of his current state and Haru leaned into him purposely inhaling the scent because of how damn drunk it made him feel like Rin was some form of alcohol and he was some lush that couldn't get enough. 

"I've been thinking about how it would feel to be inside you since that night." Rin was purring and it was right against his ear which made Haru shiver from his head down to his toes. God, he wanted Rin so bad. 

Haru pushed Rin towards the bed as he delve into a kiss that made him weak in the knees. It was a relief to turn and hit the mattress pulling Rin down on top of him. He liked the feel of his weight sandwiching him into his own bed. "Then get on with it." Haru sighed out a moan, filled with longing. "I want you. Like this. Where I can see you. Just us." Haru rambled out seductively purring as he bit Rin's lip which caused Rin to groan and growl as they fumbled around with each other's clothes between heated kisses till they were both bare and felt the sweet relief of bare skin on skin. 

Rin's skin was rather slick still with hints of his sweat and Haru licked him, still relishing in his scent and his taste and just how much he desired to be with him like this. 

It was sweet but also a bit primal, the feeling he had in his gut. Rin ground into him as he reached over and tried to open the night stand without breaking contact with Haru like he couldn't stand to be away from him long enough to make it an easier task. 

The pop of the lube cap made Haru tense a little and Rin may have felt it because his kisses became gentler. "Relax Haru." He was soon tracing a finger over Haru's hole and sighing as he slide a finger in. 

Haru hissed at the intrusion but focused more on Rin's kisses to distract himself from the slightly awkward feeling. Rin pulled back with his lips brushing over Haru's. "God. You're so..." He didn't finish because Haru assaulted his lips again and slowly pushed his body against Rin's finger because it was a strange mix of awkward but it also felt good in a way too even if there was this sting in the middle of it. 

Rin's finger was gentle but firm, and he was soon easing another finger in and Haru tensed again and Rin paused and kissed him so tenderly again. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." Haru let his body relax because he knew, he trusted Rin and it was probably more than anyone else. Rin surprised him with a third finger and this time Haru did not tense but just kissed Rin and sighed. "Want you..." He mumbled almost inaudible because of how true the statement was. He had missed being intimate with Rin. 

Soon enough the fingers were gone and he groaned at the strange way it made him feel empty. It had just started to feel really good but then he could feel Rin against him teasing the outside rim as he rubbed his cock over it and he seemed to hesitate about entering Haru's body for a moment. "You sure Haru?" 

Rin was staring down into his eyes and Haru felt his heart jump into his throat because of how intense that gaze seemed to send a warm feeling to the pit of his stomach. Haru just nodded unable to form words because that gaze had him frozen in a way. It was thrilling and scary and something else he couldn't quite place but none of that made him not want this. He needed this. Need to feel Rin in the most intimate way.

He closed his eyes as Rin slide inside and his body tensed again and Rin stopped. Haru's eyes popped open and Rin looked concerned. "Don't stop..." Haru found his voice somehow and then leaned up and kissed Rin for what felt like the first time because of how sweet it was. There was something surreal about Rin's slow movements as he licked into Haru's mouth so sweetly and somehow matching the rhythm as he slide in and out of his body. 

Haru panted softly, almost forgetting how to breath. His body felt light, like he was floating off of the bed and he could feel the sensation in every cell of his body. 

This was not fucking, it was something more and Haru pushed that thought from his mind and just decided to feel. He just wanted to feel Rin and it scared him that he may never get enough of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there was the promised bottom!Haru. So we officially have switching which is the best. I read a lot of mm fiction as of late and I thoroughly enjoy stories more when the guys switch things up. Opinions? Please let me know what you think and what you might like to see happen.


	15. You're my drug

Haru frowned as he stared at his own reflection, he didn't look any different but he sure felt that way somehow. He tilted his head to look at Rin. 

"Are you moving in?" Rin's stuff seemed to be accumulating over the past few weeks. When he wasn't at work, he was at Haru's.

Rin chuckled, "I don't know, is that an invite?" His eyes were so flirtatious causing Haru to bite his lip because in a way that statement was rather tempting.

"You might as well. Half your clothes are here and you spend more time here than at home...." Haru smirked at Rin and pushed his hip into Rin playfully. 

Rin gave a fake pout and frowned at Haru. "I have to go soon." He had an afternoon shift and Haru needed to get over to one of the magazines he worked for anyway. 

"Rin, don't eat dinner. Just come over right after work." Haru was rather insistent not that he had to be, Rin would most likely be there invited or not. He seemed to be in Haru's bed almost every night.

Rin placed his toothbrush back in the holder and turned towards Haru. Haru could feel his gaze burning into his skin. "What are you up to?" He muttered while leaning in to give Haru a quick kiss on his way out of the room. "I'll be here. I would have anyway..." He chuckled softly. 

 

Haru heard the door close soon after. He sighed and returned to looking at his reflection, his features once more turning to a slight frown. "Something feels different." And yet he looked the same as before all this had started. 

He could hear his phone ringing from his bedroom. Haru had to race up the stairs and was soon answering it but he was breathing hard as he did so. "Hello."

"Am I interrupting something?" Came a voice of a far too nosy chuckling blonde, Nagisa. 

"No." Haru groaned, clearly annoyed at the innuendo of his perverted friend. "What do you want?"

"For you to not answer the phone while someone is blowing you." Nagisa chuckled and Haru growled into the phone. 

"Seriously, what do you want?" It was too damn early for this shit. Haru's frown was worse than when he had observed himself in the mirror, even though it would do no good because Nagisa couldn't see his face. 

'We're having a get together. Just the guys again. We were thinking just a movie night or something. Tomorrow. Bring Rin-chan.'

"Alright." Haru agreed but he felt a small alarm going off at the way Nagisa was so sure that Rin would be with Haru or maybe he was reading more into it. 

"Great!" And then the line was dead as Haru closed his phone, he couldn't help wondering if anyone knew about him and Rin. Granted, he had talked to Makoto but he hadn't acknowledged anything that had happened since then and they were always together at his house. Alone. Making out more often than not, it was hard to not be all over him especially when Haru was well aware that it wouldn't last because it was just a fling. 

It wasn't on purpose but with how casual things were, there really was no point in announcing any of it to anyone. It wasn't like they were in love and planning a future together. 

Haru gazed across his bedroom and his eyes fell over his closet that was now half occupied by Rin's clothes. Somehow the sex was turning into an ongoing, daily occurrence. He had even managed to get it on when Rin in every single room of his house, hell even the back porch was not even off limits. He grinned at that thought and realized he may have a public kink. (Or maybe he just couldn't resist Rin.) But then again, he had started it that time.... 

It was a sort of friends with benefits arrangement as they were both trying to get enough of each other. But when would it be enough? When would it ever be enough? Haru felt insatiable and Rin seemed to be the same way. It was addictive, like some toxic form of heaven and he knew that eventually he would come plummeting back down to earth and leave this euphoria behind.

Would he ever be able to look at Rin and not want to kiss him or touch him or just lay with him? Haru sighed, things felt comfortable for now but...somehow it was a little too comfortable and it was a little unnerving. It was a little too perfect. And god, these thoughts crossed his mind far too often!

As he placed steaks on the broiler and chopped vegetables for a salad, Haru couldn't help but wonder if their friends were going to be able to tell that something was going on between him and Rin. He already knew that Makoto would know and he basically knew anyway because Haru had opened up to him about it, to an extent anyway. 

Chewing on his lower lip, Haru wasn't sure how he felt about that. The rest of his friends were all straight but then again, it wasn't so long ago he had thought Rin to be only straight and yet he was in Haru's bed on a continuous basis. It hadn't been long but Rin had learned what he liked in the past few weeks, knew his body well or for the most part. Haru wondered if he had discovered every little place on Rin that made him shudder yet or if he needed to do more exploring. He softly grinned at that thought. 

He was stirring a glaze to top the steaks with when he felt strong arms around him and the soft tickle of Rin's nose at the back of his neck. "Mmmm, smells good. You made steak?" Rin softly growled, "I'll have to do something special for that."

Haru could tell by his voice that it would probably be something in the bedroom especially when Rin started kissing at the back of his neck. "I'm trying to cook here." Haru said with much reluctance because he didn't exactly want Rin to stop the sweet assault. It felt far too good to stop. 

All through dinner, Rin was flirty and a downright cock-tease as Haru felt a shiver go up his leg because Rin was running his foot up and getting awfully close to his cock and it made Haru strained against his jeans and he cleared his throat and took a long drink of water. That crimson gaze was going to burn a hole in him it was so damn intense and he made these moaning noises as he ate and Haru bit his lip so hard that he was surprised it had not drawn blood. 

Once he was done eating, Haru gathered dishes off the table and began washing them in the sink. He had a half a mind to dunk his head under the tap to calm himself down but that would take a lot of cold water and Haru didn't really want to waste it like that when he would rather drag Rin upstairs. 

Rin was soon standing behind him after Rin had cleaned off the remainder of the table. He reached around Haru and groped him rather aggressively through his jeans. Haru could feel breath at the back of his neck and Rin was so close. He was pressed into Haru and Haru could not resist pressing back into Rin and sighing with want. A want that seemed to always be gasoline on a flame. It never died down. 

Finished with the dishes, Haru braced himself on the counter for a moment as he felt those soft lips travel over his neck and he sighed huskily as Rin whispered teasing and suggestive things against his skin sending sweet chills throughout his entire body. Haru turned and grabbed Rin by the collar, thrusting his tongue into a kiss that was far more demanding than any he had ever delivered onto Rin's enticing lips before. 

Being teased had become too much and he was soon backing Rin into the kitchen table and growling at him. "Want you. Here. Now." He ground his hips against Rin and continued kissing him harshly.

"Here?" Rin voiced between brutal kisses that he matched with an equal demand, sounding curious and breathy as he laced his fingers up into Haru's hair and pulled him closer. "On the table? What, bent over it?" He was smirking into the kiss, some mix of amused and turned on. He seemed pleased with how riled up his antics had made Haru. 

Haru groaned at the mere thought and simply nodded his head as he brought the kiss to an end. Before he said anything, Rin was turning around and playfully shaking his ass at Haru. "Like this?" He purred in playful mockery. 

Haru chuckled, but leaned over and raised Rin's shirt, soon licking and biting at his back. Now Rin was the one groaning and his voice seemed to lose all humor as he pressed his ass back into Haru's erection. "Want....Haru. Want you." He stammered in a frustrated sounding moan. 

Tracing his hands along Rin's hips, Haru slowly lowered Rin's shorts and boxers, cupping his perfect ass in his hands before reaching for a bottle of olive oil on the counter and dousing his fingers in it. He traced Rin's hole, earning a barrage of groans that sounded a lot like his name as he worked his fingers into Rin, stretching him. It didn't take long because of how frequently this happened as of late. 

Opening his jeans enough to take his cock out, Haru laced it in oil and slowly slide into Rin's warmth, sighing out his name as he started to move. It was slow at first but as he continued to move, he felt Rin pushing back into him and soon becoming quite vocal. "Harder, Haru." Haru usually held back but when Rin spoke, he let it all go and he was soon slamming into Rin and somehow Rin was meeting every thrust just as hard and fast. The room was filled with panting moans and the slapping of skin. Neither bothered being quiet since they had the house to themselves and when it was all over, Haru felt a bit weak in the knees and sated. Perhaps Rin did as well because he slumped down onto the floor with a grin on his face. 

"I didn't know you had it in you." He sounded surprised but also appreciative. "We should do that more often."

Haru agreed as he joined Rin on the floor and was soon laying on the chilled tile, his body much like Rin's covered in sweat. "Shower?"

-

(Author Note: BELOW IS A NEW SCENE, THEY WENT UPSTAIRS TO HARU's ROOM)

"I almost forgot," Haru recalled as he laid in bed, snuggled up with Rin holding him close. "Nagisa invited us to watch movies with the rest of the guys tomorrow." He could feel Rin's body tense for a moment. 

"Do they know about us?" Haru was a little alarmed by the tone of Rin's voice but chose to ignore it even if it did cause him to swallow and a faint ache to surge through his chest. 

"Only Makoto, but he would've figured it out anyway...probably." Haru muttered softly, "Do you not want them to know?" Was it a big deal to Rin? Did any of that even matter? If this truly was just sex, then it wasn't really their business. 

"I don't know." Rin spoke softly, sounding unsure in Haru's opinion. "This is all new and we agreed to keep it casual so I don't see the need. " He grasped Haru tight around the waist like he was holding on for dear life. The mix signals were a bit annoying but Haru figured maybe this was all confusing to Rin, it was to Haru after all. 

"Well I-" Haru sighed and chewed at his lip. "I don't think they do and we don't have to tell them." Of course, that meant no affection in front of them and that sort of bugged Haru. He wanted to hold his hand, kiss him and curl up with him on the couch but he would have to refrain for the sake of their privacy. 

"I'm not ashamed of this." Rin sounded like he was trying to reassure Haru like he had felt the slight unease or maybe he just felt bad. Who knows? 

"I know." Haru squeezed Rin's arm and was soon drifting off. "Goodnight Rin."


	16. Would you be mine?!

Haru sat next to Rin on the couch like they were just friends and were not fucking each other behind everyone's backs. The lights were off as a movie buzzed from the large tv in Nagisa's den. Most of the guys were sprawled in the floor on their stomachs watching intently. Haru's attention was wavering and he was barely aware of what happened on screen. It was Rin's fault. It was like he was incapable of keeping his hands to himself. Haru could feel the tips of his fingers grazing back and forth on his lower back. It was endearing but also rather torturous and it made him want things. 

Things he shouldn't want. 

But it was becoming harder and harder to deny the ache in his chest that grew stronger day by day. 

He wanted Rin Matsuoka. And it was more than just sex. Haru wanted everything. He may as well face it, he was completely and utterly hopelessly in love with Rin. 

Checking to make sure no one was looking, Haru leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to Rin's cheek before resuming his upright position on the couch next to him. He sighed softly to himself because if they were alone watching this, they could cuddle. They could hold hands and kiss and Rin would be so close Haru could smell him and feel his warmth. His heart beating in his chest and the soft breath coming from his lips. 

Haru rose needing a distraction from his racing thoughts. Rin consumed them far too much as of late. Hell as of always, since high school or maybe even before that. Maybe. 

Walking into the kitchen, Haru pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and was soon leaning against the counter as he sipped from the bottle. He sat the bottle down gently and closed his eyes as a heavy sigh fell from his lips. 

Were things really so complicated? Or was it all more simple than that? What would happen if he laid his feelings out on the table? Would it be worth it? Is it really a risk he can take? How does Rin feel? The way he looks at Haru at times feels like something. Something real. Something so right. 

Like when they touch. 

A creak in the doorway catches Haru's attention and his gaze floats towards the door where the object of his every thought stands and looks at him, seeming rather curious. 

"Don't like the movie?" Rin hums out sounding amused. 

"I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention to it." Haru said softly as his heart pounded in his chest with the realization that he should just say it. How hard are three words?

"Oh?" Rin sashayed across the room like he knew he was the reason. "Why is that?" He was literally purring out the words as he moved a lock of hair off Haru's forehead and was standing far too close. 

So close it was hard to breath. "You." Haru muttered honestly as he closed the small gap unable to resist those lips. 

Rin chuckled as he pressed his lips gently meeting Haru's. "What did I do?" He muttered against Haru's lips,biting the lower one and making Haru groan. 

Haru didn't reply with words but simply locked eyes with Rin, trying to draw up his nerve as his fingers traced softly over Rin's cheek and his lower lip. I love you. He thought as he swore he could recognize a similar mutual feeling in Rin's sweet gaze. 

Rin's eyes seemed to search his and his hands were soon cupping Haru's face as he placed a barrage of soft kisses over Haru's face. So much affection it was suffocating him sweetly. Haru felt desire rise up in him and a flutter at the pit of his gut soared up to his throat. He kissed Rin with slow deliberate determination and forgot where he was. 

Rin pressed him into the counter and though it was hurting his back where it poked into it, Haru felt it was worth it to be this close to Rin. Like they were one soul. Meant to be. 

Rin's hands slide down his sides and he was soon being lifted up off the floor and wrapping his legs around Rin waist as the kiss became more heated. 

All Haru could hear was the tv faintly from the other room and their heated breaths. "I can't wait to get you back home." He muttered against Rin's lips. "Because if we don't stop," He panted softly against Rin's ear once the kiss ended. "I'll drag you into the bathroom and lock the door....."

Rin just chuckled. "Is that supposed to be a threat?" He raised a brow as he kissed Haru's cheek softly. "Or is it a promise?"

"Maybe both." Haru playfully replied as he kissed Rin again to shut him up and he could feel Rin starting to grind against him and a soft moan feel from his lips as he felt his body react. He could feel Rin's desire as his body slowly brushed against his over and over. "God, we have to stop..." Haru could barely speak and his words were halfhearted because he really wanted Rin. Right now. 

So engrossed they were in each other...until Haru heard someone clear their throat and he pulled away from Rin and gazed over the redhead's shoulder. "Getting lucky Haru-chan!" Nagisa's oozed with amusement and Rin's face soon matched his hair as he quickly let Haru go and the interruption was enough to throw cold water over their passion. 

God, Haru wished they were alone at this moment. He had Rin's taste on his lips and it was teasing him and his heart would not calm even with Nagisa and as he looked closer ....all of their friends it seems.

"The movie ended." Rei seemed to be explaining and Haru didn't miss how red his face was too. 

Makoto was the only one who was not surprised but he already knew. Haru had confided in him after all. 

"Are you a couple?" Nagisa asked, "Rin-chan and Haru-chan." He didn't sound the least bit surprised by it. "You two always noticed each other...a lot." 

Makoto coughed, "I thought we were about to order pizza...." 

"This is more interesting than pizza..." Nagisa insisted. "Why didn't you guys tell us?" He asked, and Haru groaned because of his inner worries of what they really were. He didn't know. 

Rin spoke before Haru had a chance. "We're just sleeping together...that's all. Friends with benefits."

Haru bit into his lower lip, glad he had not said what he wanted to say as a new ache grew in him. God, he really needed to know if that was really all this was to Rin. Just sex. 

"Rin-chan." Nagisa tsked at him. "Are you sure about that?" 

Rin cleared his throat and avoided looking into Haru's eyes. "I--"

Makoto interrupted again. "Guys let's order the pizza. I have to get to my wife eventually." To Haru, it seemed as if he was trying to take the attention off of them. He knows how Haru really feels, most likely. Haru hadn't told him in so many words but the way Makoto responded, it was like he knew Haru was in love with Rin before Haru had realized it himself. 

Or maybe Haru knew but he was finally ready to admit it to himself. Admitting it to Rin was what made him feel off. 

"I'm going to go." Haru muttered softly. He needed to be alone. 

"Haru-chan." Nagisa sounded rather sad as he watched his friend walk out the door. 

Haru walked home, skipping taking the bus because this was a good way to think without distractions. This or maybe a swim would be good about now. 

Changing his mind, he was soon headed towards the old swim club. He had a key because he sometimes helped out. Letting himself in, Haru stood next to the pool, staring at the clear blue water. Remember when it was what brought him the most joy. When he was young and things were so much simpler than now. 

Before love crashed into him in the form of the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. No one should light up a room the way Rin can.

Haru recalls seeming him standing at the head of the classroom when he had first transferred. He looked so sure and so ....irritatingly cute. At the time, Haru didn't know what the strange feeling was that Rin caused in his stomach. 

Stripping down to nothing, Haru dove into the deep end of the pool, the shock of the chilled water a good distraction. The water could still make him feel alive in a way but not the same way as Rin's touch or the way Rin looked at him. 

Haru sighed. Keeping this all inside wasn't easy and if he avoided it. It would just fester and grow till he would end up bitter towards Rin. He had a bad feeling like a bag of rocks were in the pit of his stomach instead of the flutter that had been there only an hour before. 

That feeling was like a drug. All the ways made him come alive were. Haru never wanted any of it to end. He wanted the friendship, the sex but he also needed more than that from Rin. Wanted it so badly, it was painful to think it would all end. 

Sitting on the stairs that descended disappearing into the pool at the shallow end, shielding his body slightly under the water. Haru contemplated his options or rather beat them all like a dead horse. 

He almost missed the whoosh and clasp of the door as someone else entered the room. He heard the footsteps but didn't look up to see who it was. It was most likely the coach, perhaps he forgot something. 

But the coach didn't cause a blaze with his stare. Haru's eyes drifted across the large room and rested on the boy who held his heart but didn't seem to have a clue. "Rin..."

Rin walked over, slowly....cautiously. "Are you okay? Are....we okay? The way you left...." 

Haru turned and looked at Rin, he was now standing behind him and rolling up the legs on his pants. He sat on the edge not far from a very naked Haru and placed his legs into the pool. 

Rin's eyes drank him in, he could feel it. Even if he was feeling unsure, the desire between them would never ....go out. It was like some honeymoon phase. God, it was confusing. It was nothing but it was everything. But they acted as if it was something in between. 

Haru cleared his throat, this is not the time to think of sex. Things needed to be said. "I....it was like you were telling them all we were nothing...." Haru couldn't look at Rin, so he stared into the water like it was the most interesting thing. 

"Haru..." Rin's voice sounded pained and confused. "We never said we were more than ...we both agreed this was ...just casual..."

Haru sighed heavily. "Well, Rin...." His heart started thrumming hard in his chest as he swallowed. "I ....it just happened."

"What...happened?" Rin whispered and Haru almost didn't catch his words. "Tell me...."

Haru rose from the pool, needing a little more space. Rin was a little too close. He grabbed up a towel and wrapped his waist in it and took another smaller one to dry his hair as he spoke. "I can't help how I really feel about you. I don't want to lose you as a friend. But at the same time....I---"

Haru swallowed and stood with his back to Rin. His heart racing faster than ever before like he had just swam a marathon and gave it his all. "You what?" Rin sounded a little closer. Too close but Haru was frozen in his place. He couldn't move away.

He couldn't. He might as well say it. "I fell in love with you...." He whispered and time stood still as he waited for Rin to say something. Anything. 

Warm lips were soon on his neck. Strong arms were soon on his bare waist and fingers grazed up and down on his stomach. Rin spoke against the back of his neck. "Haru. Haru. Haru." He muttered affectionately between gently bushes of his lips and Haru could feel his whole body shiver from head to toe. The rocks in his gut were growing lighter with each new kiss. "I love you too. I always have." 

Haru turned around, still in Rin's arms and he stared at those eyes. Those honest eyes burned into him and he felt so damn light. So free. "Then you should be mine already..."

"I always was. I just needed to hear you say it." Rin chuckled and Haru felt his towel fall to the ground as Rin cupped his ass. "I've always wanted to do it in the pool...."

"That should be my line...." Haru smirked and kissed Rin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So opinions? Notice any mistakes? Would you like to read more RH stories from me?


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